A Shade Of Brown Tears

I lie on the brown wooden boards, the floor quakes with my elusive weight. I am not that fat, but the rats are pulling leverage. I am sinking, engulfed by the droplets of rat fleshes eroding me. Minutes passed, but I grow accustomed now, my faint screams are slowly tranquil. You no longer hear my moans and shrieks. I am holding myself back and taking the scene in. I rewind the steps to how I was brought to this fate. As the rats scrap my soft creamy skin and chew on my tainted flesh, I drift in a sea of thoughts. I am a rat myself. A voice beckons me forward and my memories evade.

I join them now, as they feast on my body. Blood is lost but pleasure somewhat gained. I lose everything within the moment but a spark set fire to my pores, I watch as skin burns. Dead flesh dries, and bulges of red spots appear. The water, no mistaken, their piss drowns me deep. But no one saves me, so I just adjust and breathe it all in. No sensation devours my being, just utter disgust and loathing. It was all because of you.

But now, you're Forgiven.

_______
it's been awhile
quite awhile am i missed? :)
anyways,...
till the next
we meet

"The Night Will Go As Follows..."

I've finished a box of tissues. Sniff, snort, sneeze and then bless me. I hate it when I get sick in the wrong circumstances, locations and for the wrong reasons. It is totally deteriating my schedule of events, if any penciled in. Anyways, I have much to do but I have no idea where to start.

I was also wondering, if I should keep blogging, cause I think the experience was in of the moment...and its wearing off. Thus, the limelight is fading slowly and I cant seem to ascertain the real reason why I started blogging. Since this, everything has gone down hill, I have no flourescent instincts dying to blurt out the facts...I will end this post with...

My comments have been slowly diminishing, no one comments and I am I guess a little sad but who gives a damn anymore, I know I long before gave up giving one at all. So dear reader, whoever you may be...I am sneezing, coughing and feeling a sort of serenity.



This post was pointless....

Short Lived

your image i take
shred it to pieces
cut it to bits
put it to my lips
open then swallow

till it never exists

-your battlefield

****

Technically, there are 12 more hours till officially winter break(ing) begins. The problem is today is filled with too much going on. An essay, drawings, and a test. Also, a short fieldtrip and I hope I make it back in time to do that test or else I would get a big fat zero. Onwards, apparently we're going to the cinema and here and there. I am by no means in any mood wanting to go anywhere, what I want is this? The window shutters to be closed, the door to be closed, me under the covers and asleep till god knows when. I want to sleep, I do not care to awaken, because in slumber I find so much more than in reality. So I will keep dreaming till one day, a dream takes my life away...

btw i havent slept yet so i'm guessing i will be awake for the next give or take 20 hours.

I Slept Like A Baby, How'd You Sleep?

stop this temptation, let me awaken.

for the past two days, actually let me be more precise, for the past 48 hours i've slept for only 9 (NINE). I am feeling low on energy and any sudden movement might break a ligament :)...i just cant wait till tuesday when tests are out of schedule and i will fall back on my bed, and dream of dreams. I might even sleep for 24 hours straight wake up for a few do this and that and then fall back to sleep.

I CRAVE SLEEP
I DEMAND IT
I NEED SLEEP INSURANCE. (??)

it;s close to 5 am, havent finished studying, didnt do any homework so i'm guessing this is my first ever time...thus, will show up at 9ish and with that i will be ready from my exam thats at 11am

i just hope i dont sleep whlist recieving the test....that would be a bummer, downer and a waste of the past day spent cramming and trying to learn something that i vow to forget in an hours time period...

lesson learned: never be absent, in absence...one finds not nothing, one finds everything.


BRIGHTSIDE: Sister is inshallah arriving today, its been so long since we last seen each other....:)

6 days, 6 weeks, 6 years, 6 lives.

I'm counting down the days....

To think weekends were meant to end the tiresome gutwrenching 5 days and to have your own blissful escape just 2 days.... Right this moment, my weekend is by no means a week END. Its the start of yet another irrevocable battle field. ;) I have to write a paper, make a poster, study for tests, do useless homework, draw, draw, read, rework,study again...find time to sleep in between.

Damn I have so much more to do.

6 days till Winter Break (ing)
1 day till Eruption

in other news, i am suprised, astonished, mind baffled from certain events that took place in the last few days...intrigued is the word to settle all the cirucmstances.

a lifetime to notice, a day to erase, a minute to evoke, seconds to forget,
your some- body.
i wont love ever-more.

YOU SEE NOTHING

one more day

wednesday: physics quiz
religion test
tuesday: was dead to the world( slept, barfed, slept (sick)
monday: most of the time- at nurse (headache)
sunday: a battle emerging in my head (pain)
saturday: beautiful breeze

hint hint my week began with a breeze, will end with a disaster

one more week to go
one more
one more
say it with me
ONE FREAKING MORE
i hope i can make it till then

i hate it when i get sick
have i mentioned how
i dislike when someone asks me 'are you sick?'
could you not tell from my varnished eyes, and my tense face
my face was pale
i was in pain
am i that hard to figure???
the question by the way,
only increases the chances of me barfing on you. (dear asker)

lesson one: never ask me something when my face is not colored and my words are mumbled

now, i will turn back to my books - torn pages- studying or better yet memorizing for my tests.

wish me luck.

:(

I'm Only Seventeen !!!!!

WINTER BREAK - ing (10 days)
but before relaxation, i'm stuck with this

1. blinded by tests
2. freaking -boring- projects
3. treachorous -unforsaken- labs
4. useless crappy -defeaning- homework
5. too many drawings to do -sore-
6. no escapism within novels-argh-
7. the above all becuz winding down to vacation
8. everyone is deciding that now is the perfect time to barf information and binge on studying...could they not have made something workable for both sides....and not cramming everything in one week. screw the mastermind
9. i hate but that has subsided
10. i now just carry on, dont give a damn anymore. how many days till grad.
11. standing in the rain, mindlessly, waiting, i want to repeat that cycle. i lived the moment. can i be refilled soon, ?.
12. sleep. sleep. sleep. eat. sleep. sleep. sleep. sleep. sleep. live. sleep. eat. sleep. sleep. draw
13. i was cheated, winter break is just two freaking weeks
14. i trust, once vacation drags on, i will be too fulfilled by sleep....will probably screw up my sleeping habiat. as if it isnt screwed already?.
15. i think i will rest with the number 17'
16. am i boring you?
17. i dont care ;)

Without Regards

I stood on a platform,
As he assessed my composure

I relaxed my posture,
Stared intently at his gaze

He noticed my indifference-
Pitied my solemn state

My frock he destroyed,
Shredding to bare my skin

I felt not a thing,
Numb in course

Night and Day-
No difference

Once again;
I live.

-your battlefield

ONE THING IS CLEAR.....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACQUI

I LOVE YOU

so shall we get 23 candles

hence, oldie save your breathe
you need to blow out that much...:)


anyways....

have a belated day

DUCKIE

You're Clawing At My Throat, And You're Crying...

Now you act suprised
To hear what you already knew
When all you ever had to do was ask
I'd have told you straight away
That all those lies were truth
And all that was false, was fact...

So why is it now after I had my fill
You steal sorrow I have earned
Shall we call this a lesson learned...

Ray Lamotagne - lessons learned (incomplete lyrics)

******

I've concluded a phase in life, no turning back and assessing faults and blunders that rattled me merciously this present year. I am also looking forward to concluding the phase of high school because to matter with facts, I dont feel anything more towards it. Numb in feeling, just study, eat, sleep, Repeat the cycle.

I found this year to be a total nightmare. I hope nothing of its sort accompanies the next year because I just dont have the energy to deal with it anymore. Anyways, I will reduce the honesty I seem to let seep through my fingers easily to the computer screen and just wish you pleasant sleep.

Battle Field, with intricate chaos...what would you say???