Someone Not There That Never Was...

Cluttered!

Your the portrait I longed to paint. Your the priceless artifact not on sale. Your the future of my life. Your the handles on the clock that sway from side to side. Your my everything but you dont know me, yet here I am writing you this letter hoping you understand something...

I love the feel of the broken glass scarring my wrist, I think of you as always that is. I love the feeling you ignite in me, when I miss you still. You are something undefined. Your the mission I seek to conquer and declare mine. Your the mountain I long to climb, your the ocean that shall drown me breathlessly. You are something, you are my all, yet you never knew me.

This may seem awkard, you may be vain, yet my infatuation of you is set to blame. I wished for you, every night. I wanted you to hold me tight...wipe my tears that they made me cry. I want you to understand that once upon a time you were nothing and now your my all. Save me, reject me, just tell me that i'm dreaming and make me sense reality....

Why am I so in love with you? Is it because we both are exposed to the sad truth? Your abused and i've been used? Can't you create a land of make-believe like I do? Picture yourself some different soul, don't be unhappy when your not at fault. Dont be something you know they are.

Here I am, dying for you, wanting you to see me as beautiful! Hoping you shake yourself loose and look around you. I am infatuated, melting with tears and love for you. Are you someone who will be my something, but sadly with the news that lay, I am talking to the one who shall never be as I wanted true.

Your years older, and i'm feeling small. In the world of misconceptions and illusions that never end. In time I hope I rest those thoughts of wanting you to be my all. I wanted for now to make you feel, that a soul out there is in your reach...but you cut your strings so soon, its by far a crime I will hold aganist.

So you've been bruised, you've been in pain. We are all bound and caged yet I longed to set you free, and make you fly gracefully. Your the rose that never wilts...your the soul who is my one and only....I am your shadow and I am your light....I wished to guide you to that place so bright..yet you took matters in your hands aye, decided to end this growing pain...

Here I am crumbling this letter that shall never touch your hands, hear I am murmuring words that you'll never read, because you couldn't take it, you couldn't run. You are now resting peacefully yet are you content with all thats been. If I had been you, i'd never give in, i'd struggle and tumble and bleed and be.........

I loved you then and I love you still, the growing pain that keeps me going shall never rest.I think I have found happiness, even though your gone and i'm alone. I told you once in my dreams, to close your eyes and think of nothing. Forget the scars that scortch your back, forget the happenings of pain and such. Just feel the beat of my heart and think of nothing less at all. Dont imprison your emotions of love and caress the pain, you never heard me, you never did.

Unfortunately the battle you fought you lost in shame, killing yourself whats to say? I rather dont blame you, but I also do. I hope you found spite as I have found in you. You know that canvas thats sitting in the corner of my room? The same one i dreamed to paint your portrait on.... Its starring at me, waiting to be something symbolizing you. Yet I dare not stroke a brush on its skin, I find it a reminder of you and your sin. With the looks of it and the shape its in, you seem to have erased your figment in my imagination. You've left no mark, the blank sheet thats resting on this table have never been touched. To set the record straight, I never lifted that pen and marked the sheet with ink. I didnt write you anything, I didnt meet you still....come to think of it, I never will....

!!!!





THIS WHOLE PIECE IS A CONTRADICTION...at least i think so as i was writing it, kept trying to hook it all together and make it seem true, yet i hope what i wanted to be known is seen across to you...:)

-your battlefield....aka dandoona off to bed yup i've stayed up for too long....i shall rest and read your comments later on ....i just cant stop this freaking rhyming its getting on my nerves...toodles for now, you all shall be missed :)..argh i should duck tape my mouth and let the rhyming end...:)