Tell Me Why Is It So Hard...

am going to draw her, and that is final, but i still have to show it to the teacher and see if he approves of the lighting hitting the face, ooof after endless searching i have found what i was looking for- so tell me peeps what do you think of her, would you like to see the masterpiece finished after i oil paint her, i would and inshallah it will turn out well. now i need to search for a background to accompany this lady and the light has to enter the picture from the same direction it is hitting the lady so i must again go back and find what i am searching for..bas inshallah the teacher approves this lady was not my first choice but inshallah she is the last choice, cause im dying for this heartbreak of choosing the one and then he declines and says the lighting doesnt work, ooof it pisses me off but ..what are your opinions about her will she do?...


away from that and to this, my god i went to bed yesterday at 6 3o pm and hehehe didnt wake up till 8 oclock this morning, i slept like a baby and dreamed of ..... beautiful things, i love to dream and better yet love to sleep. sleep relaxes you and allows you for but a moment to experience the untrue, unreal, unthinkable things you can ever ...imagine.... oh well. we can all dream cant we but i dont get how some people sleep and wake up without dreaming a single thing. i love having dreams so when i wake up and see that i dreamt of nothing, i will feel like something is missing, how would you feel if you slept and awoke without a dream?....nightmares arent that bad though, they heighten up your senses and give you senstational thrills, but they only come once in how many years ?..bummer .. :)

well what am i blabbing about, in a bit will go somewhere and just maybe, after my hopes were let down yesterday just maybe we will go to the beach and everything will seem beautiful and breathtaking, i guess we all want just at times for those feelings to arise, i love the beach and wish that when i grow old and become whatever it is that i will, i wish to have a house beside the shore, so far away from the noise of the peeps and the smell of pollution only near the beautiful, tranquile, breathtaking beach and listen to the birds chirpping (those that survived the bird flu :P) and listen to the shore waves come and go and place my toes in the cold water and just relax and clear my mind. wouldn't you love to live near the beach, and experience all of this ?.....

been thinking alot about the future, but i am stuck in the present, i wonder about this and that but i should take a stand on things, am i right, or should i just let life takes its pass, i wish for all these things to happen only i know...., but well i had a talk with someone who asked what i wished to study, but i said to them i had a dream of being this "........." however i know its but a dream and i lack those skills to become that sense math is not my forte and i have awoken from the dream to see the truth, so thats no longer in the picture for me never can or will be, so i said i would like to be this ".........." in which i help people, and feel the essence of love, help them see life and love it, i will be earning far better things than money could every buy, i will become such a better person and this would only require patiences, which at times i lack but am working at it, i would in this field be working in hospitals which is something quite i duno, what am i blabbing about i better shut up for now cause i dont know where these words were supposed to take you to understand, i just dont know wouldnt that be a better way of expressing my thoughts, i just dont know!.... and then this person told me i could take upon another dream that i would and will do grand things in since i have inherited it from their talents (this someone is a family member if you still didnt get the hint :P) so its this "..." always had it in me, all i need is to nuture and grow and i could then be working with them in somwhere and travel so many places to go to places that are labelled somewhere and etc, this would be a beautiful experience but i guess know i know i am undecided. i must come up with plans for all these things and sit down and tell myself yes am not crazy to talk to myself but say now which is the one you know you can do and be a (#*$ ing great person doing it...... i better do that and find out just what ...... oh i should shut up now. i blab to much on paper though utter a few words in person....

:D thanks for reading my ..... and hope i kept your mind conflicted and confused knowing not what the hell i was speaking heheeh i guess its better to be misunderstood till then and with smiles and cheers :P