There's Little More For Us To Say

You're Beautiful.

2007-12-26T18:27:00.000+03:00

Cosi bella.

I've moved - long ago...simply a clarification.

Clarifications mean well, won't you say.

www.puremassacre.com

Don't be a stranger.

i love you.

Merge

2007-06-12T14:42:00.001+03:00

you bore me.

constantly, immeasurably you're insignifcant.

left alone in a crowd of fish, frauds and those fakes.

whats left of this relationship is this,

مساء الخير واحساس والطيبة

hmmmm......

graduated, and done. a phase over a new start.

I really Hate Everything about You!!!

2007-06-08T19:57:00.000+03:00

You really disappoint, that offset angle is no incident.
You are that distortion, in my circle of reality.
So kindly gesture your exit, square yourself and leave.
You reflect in a mirror so fogged.
You're that mere reflection lacking considerable velocity.
Mirror shatters, you're once again massacred.
Shards of glass embed, you're interference is a dosage
lessing.
The waves, their amplitude, and you're frequency
converse.
But gravity gives, then you drop.
Silence, my muse.
Sound muted.
in pain and numb.
Physically and Mentally
gone.

This is what physics has done to me.
I'm in a headache, tired, weary and torn.
A pillow, a blanket, lights off....sleeping will be it's cure.

Goodnight

to you:

I really HATE everything about You!!! But life, it goes on.

Pure and Massacred

2007-06-06T15:53:00.000+03:00

Just leave a comment,
I swear I don't bite.

Just leave a set of words behind.

Random Breathing.

2007-06-02T04:10:00.000+03:00

Random Sleepless Nights:

-I'm still breathing, but deep heavy in's and outs.

-Graduating in a few....and well I learnt the difference between frauds, fakes and those fish.

-A little bitterness but all love and undying urge - forgiving to forget.

-3 finals to do and I'm over and allowed to exasperate on life's joys.

-Learning the truth about peoples lies is decieving.

-A crush is crushed like an ice cube. I was crushed. Thrice.

-Hugs aren't free with me, especially pity hugs you require a teddy bear.

-Reruns, reloads, reviews, all is a waste of time.

-It probably hurts, but I don't feel anything. Numb and feeling the pain of life.

"What would you think of me now...?"

You Never Lost Your Grip.....

2007-04-04T22:16:00.000+03:00

Exactly.
I've had my fill...

you bore me.
i hate you.
i live.
better, thanks.
i'll collect dust.
bite my lips.

your words are bitter.
foul.
i let go.
you leave.
despise.
deceit no regrets.
eyes blue.
scar fresh.
carry on.

EXACTLY.

it's been awhile...

You again...

2007-03-06T00:31:00.000+03:00

I have moved and still am not on safat. Argh - I will add it again. As I said before, I'll just annoy you by linking my new post at my new home here
domain

Borrowed Time

2007-02-27T21:35:00.000+03:00

Her hand quakes as the beating in her heart elevates. A mass of unshed tears began to mist her eyes. A growing sensation wonders and the mask she once wore crumbles.

It’s over. You’ re a mistake. A figment my muse - a misspelled irrevocable curse. So shed your skin, lather and lash at your breathe as you give into sin. Sit on the cold taunting ground, feel vulnerable. Your heart is split in two and the windows to your soul are fogged. Yet with all you’re in, I feel not a thing. Again, nothing at all. An empty and void feeling - stale as you broke apart.

Her heart stings Her lips dry. Her voice is mute and her breathing stops. His words dagger into her heart. She lies motionless on the ground.

She died before him, but he just walked away.

The scene ends ~~all but lacking hate~~.

______

until i am officially on safat, i guess i will copy paste my posts from my new home to this old and hideous location i call temporary ;)

Pure Massacre

2007-02-18T01:15:00.000+03:00

www.puremassacre.com

Since I've been awhile and I'm dead tired....i will reuse an old post that was untouched. ;)

I lie on the brown wooden boards, the floor quakes with my elusive weight. I am not that fat, but the rats are pulling leverage. I am sinking, engulfed by the droplets of rat fleshes eroding me. Minutes passed, but I grow accustomed now, my faint screams are slowly tranquil. You no longer hear my moans and shrieks. I am holding myself back and taking the scene in. I rewind the steps to how I was brought to this fate. As the rats scrap my soft creamy skin and chew on my tainted flesh, I drift in a sea of thoughts. I am a rat myself. A voice beckons me forward and my memories evade.

I join them now, as they feast on my body. Blood is lost but pleasure somewhat gained. I lose everything within the moment but a spark set fire to my pores - I watch as skin burns. Dead flesh dries, and bulges of red spots appear. The water, no mistaken, their piss drowns me deep. But no one saves me, so I just adjust and breathe it all in.

No sensation devours my being, just utter disgust and loathing. It was all because of you.

I Was Born Today, "Do you give a ...."?

2007-02-08T23:49:00.000+03:00

I’m eighteen today. It’s my birthday!

It feels like any other kind of day.

Nose is cold, Throat is throbbing and Voice is muting….(i,m dead tired even after yesterday’s sleep from 5pm to 9am today)

I guess I’ll just wait…nothing changed

any other kind of day

no candles were blown- this means i'm too old to....

Never Mind

Love,

A Battlefield Eighteen AWAITING your something.

I've Moved and TURNED ONE

2007-02-04T23:23:00.000+03:00

Thanks to my beloved, charming, smart, genius-like, impossibly beautiful sister, Jacqui, I have moved to my new domain:

www.PureMassacre.com

Jacqui bought me the domain a few minutes ago and transferred me there, of course you won't find this post there but you will find everything else. Now I will have to learn how to use Wordpress but that'll be a piece of cake with the help of the ever genius-like and guru-like Jacqui.

P.S. This post was written by Jacqui herself because she basically took over everything in my life. Yes I am no longer my own person.

Oh yeah and Jacqui ROCKS! So update yourselves.

P.P.S MY BLOG TURNED ONE TODAY.....so check out my latest posts at my new domain.

A Voice Craving Her Innocence as a Smirk Betrays Undefined Revenge

2007-02-02T18:16:00.000+03:00

February, a mere unrequitted month of quite a many happenings, whats coming up for me is the following:

Feb 4 : my blogger turns this many ( aye, oh darn just a year old, shouldnt that be encouraging huh, I 've stayed on board for a full year give or take a few days where I wanted out but I stayed...shame, regret, mistake, past is a pardon, future spoken..i will continue blogging and perhaps get me own better fulfuling relationship without blogger, rather with my own domain and a little help from me angelic sisters (the techie marvel n the photoshop darling)

Feb 5: my youngster baby sister i will always call baby turns the big five, yes five years old, all the years for her inshallah...she loves birthdays each and every one though she wasnt born on those days she wants someone to sing happy to you sometimes everyday. ;) + its a day i might if the probabilty of an algebraic equation equates to my terms, I might fall into a ditch ( a pun, my play of words so it seems vague to you ;)

Feb 8: I am legal to live, I turn eighteen finally, although I much wish to stay seventeen because I am a fan of odd numbers that communicate well without evoking buried souviners of well, somethings that dont wish to be recollected from time to time. Anyways, I need to get a drivers permit, learn to drive, though I master the art of driving from when I was a wee bit old, cuz I've witnessed sisters and there driving experience, I know how to navigate my way with a vehicle and that nonsense. Being Eighteen means one thing, the mile I am walking towards the reach goal, is finally nearing to the end, and graduation will be soon. I can't wait to wrap up with highschool and keep walking forward, not glancing or turning back. Long post, ugly looking blog site, I hope it eventually undergoes some glamour quite soon if everything unfolds to my perspective.

I forgot to mention, this....

There all is out in the open, what's significant?

Ps: I'll draft you to save and not post to publish ;)

2007-01-23T04:01:00.000+03:00

Below was me in a state of oblivous emotion carelessly thinking ......and the date to be exact was Jan 4., without question all that is below has changed a day after I wrote this and when was the certifed verification well i realized it no the next day or the next week but today, January 22...damn how cruel life can get. but i will just torch that fire thats blazing on my skin and look towards the path....with a wounded heart thats still beating forcefully. life doesnt end with this. it should and i will not let it do so.

Here was what i wrote: 01/04/2007

I am inhaling a substance of ectasy it's un-natural, quite delusional to this mind but dont focus here, just understand I am in mere unsubtile, untranslated bliss. A language can not certify the speed my heart is beating. Words scripted on a letter have brought waves of smiles to my lips. Yes, mistaken, I am adjourning a path that is leading forward. Yet come what may, even detection of what is thought, I will and shall not forget this feeling. This emotion well built, that withstands tears and burns that may attach to this body. Come what may, I am truly in love...God bless this '07. I hope this is no bad omen or just fate wanting to dally with me and teasing me ferciously.

Best be it now, I am rising in your winter sky... yes this Battle Field is and forever will be her own....hmph I'm lost without words now, then let me be off to sleep...I will keep this a secret to my eyes...and it is vague to you viewer, I call now mistaken ;)

Ps: I'll draft you to save and not post to publish ;)

ANYWAYS, life goes on....one more exam to go and im free and the mattress and the covers will comfort and lavish me through times....all i need are two straight days of only sleep. no interaction or anything. i can live that way you know.

Through Glass - Scar - Mark - Carry On

2007-01-20T13:31:00.000+03:00

I am high on smiles

There's been a change in my plans coursing this life

Navagation set to ever last

Nothing, not you or her or him or a mixture of persons can wreck my ship

I am baffled with illustrations and what not of what ifs

I am swimming life jacket less

Intoxicated with the smell of this serene cold foul tasting water evoking my flesh

I am in love with life

best leave me enjoy these moments

cuz
:*****************************

anyways back to reality
downside of my happiness one final down three MORE to go....:)

btw my blog is looking strange its cuz of complications with my precious host
i guess it will be back to usual when it wishes ;)
i dont mind i hope you dont as well

I Hate Everything About You.

2007-01-01T01:07:00.000+03:00

A story I once told, a fate controlled. Breathe in, vomit lust. A fact to consider - love destructs. Pain awaits; tears a many turn vain. Two hearts convulse, shatter as glass and break. Now shudder and lick the ground. Tongue bleeds, bruised lips. Square one, you hurt; I exist.

I lock you in - imprison you. Now bend to your knees, grieve with me. Moan the aches, cry out - lash pain and whip my skin. Lust, emerge, stop constraining with '06.

A mile to walk, a day erased. Graduation awaits.

Your Battlefield, hints in her own language 2oo6 was not wonderful, rather undesirable, unlovable, as of yet despicable. It was a year she dreads but it did benefit...it molded her to a better self. It was merciless and spit the unlikeable truth. Frauds, Fakes, and Fish. ;)

Now she bids you adieu, goodnight with respect, good luck.

A Shade Of Brown Tears

2006-12-28T18:12:00.000+03:00

I join them now, as they feast on my body. Blood is lost but pleasure somewhat gained. I lose everything within the moment but a spark set fire to my pores, I watch as skin burns. Dead flesh dries, and bulges of red spots appear. The water, no mistaken, their piss drowns me deep. But no one saves me, so I just adjust and breathe it all in. No sensation devours my being, just utter disgust and loathing. It was all because of you.

But now, you're Forgiven.

_______
it's been awhile
quite awhile am i missed? :)
anyways,...
till the next
we meet

"The Night Will Go As Follows..."

2006-12-22T19:55:00.000+03:00

I've finished a box of tissues. Sniff, snort, sneeze and then bless me. I hate it when I get sick in the wrong circumstances, locations and for the wrong reasons. It is totally deteriating my schedule of events, if any penciled in. Anyways, I have much to do but I have no idea where to start.

I was also wondering, if I should keep blogging, cause I think the experience was in of the moment...and its wearing off. Thus, the limelight is fading slowly and I cant seem to ascertain the real reason why I started blogging. Since this, everything has gone down hill, I have no flourescent instincts dying to blurt out the facts...I will end this post with...

My comments have been slowly diminishing, no one comments and I am I guess a little sad but who gives a damn anymore, I know I long before gave up giving one at all. So dear reader, whoever you may be...I am sneezing, coughing and feeling a sort of serenity.

This post was pointless....

Short Lived

2006-12-20T02:45:00.000+03:00

your image i take
shred it to pieces
cut it to bits
put it to my lips
open then swallow

till it never exists

-your battlefield

****

Technically, there are 12 more hours till officially winter break(ing) begins. The problem is today is filled with too much going on. An essay, drawings, and a test. Also, a short fieldtrip and I hope I make it back in time to do that test or else I would get a big fat zero. Onwards, apparently we're going to the cinema and here and there. I am by no means in any mood wanting to go anywhere, what I want is this? The window shutters to be closed, the door to be closed, me under the covers and asleep till god knows when. I want to sleep, I do not care to awaken, because in slumber I find so much more than in reality. So I will keep dreaming till one day, a dream takes my life away...

btw i havent slept yet so i'm guessing i will be awake for the next give or take 20 hours.

I Slept Like A Baby, How'd You Sleep?

2006-12-18T04:50:00.000+03:00

stop this temptation, let me awaken.

for the past two days, actually let me be more precise, for the past 48 hours i've slept for only 9 (NINE). I am feeling low on energy and any sudden movement might break a ligament :)...i just cant wait till tuesday when tests are out of schedule and i will fall back on my bed, and dream of dreams. I might even sleep for 24 hours straight wake up for a few do this and that and then fall back to sleep.

I CRAVE SLEEP
I DEMAND IT
I NEED SLEEP INSURANCE. (??)

it;s close to 5 am, havent finished studying, didnt do any homework so i'm guessing this is my first ever time...thus, will show up at 9ish and with that i will be ready from my exam thats at 11am

i just hope i dont sleep whlist recieving the test....that would be a bummer, downer and a waste of the past day spent cramming and trying to learn something that i vow to forget in an hours time period...

lesson learned: never be absent, in absence...one finds not nothing, one finds everything.

BRIGHTSIDE: Sister is inshallah arriving today, its been so long since we last seen each other....:)

6 days, 6 weeks, 6 years, 6 lives.

2006-12-14T17:28:00.000+03:00

I'm counting down the days....

To think weekends were meant to end the tiresome gutwrenching 5 days and to have your own blissful escape just 2 days.... Right this moment, my weekend is by no means a week END. Its the start of yet another irrevocable battle field. ;) I have to write a paper, make a poster, study for tests, do useless homework, draw, draw, read, rework,study again...find time to sleep in between.

Damn I have so much more to do.

6 days till Winter Break (ing)
1 day till Eruption

in other news, i am suprised, astonished, mind baffled from certain events that took place in the last few days...intrigued is the word to settle all the cirucmstances.

a lifetime to notice, a day to erase, a minute to evoke, seconds to forget,
your some- body.
i wont love ever-more.

YOU SEE NOTHING

2006-12-13T00:03:00.000+03:00

one more day

wednesday: physics quiz
religion test
tuesday: was dead to the world( slept, barfed, slept (sick)
monday: most of the time- at nurse (headache)
sunday: a battle emerging in my head (pain)
saturday: beautiful breeze

hint hint my week began with a breeze, will end with a disaster

one more week to go
one more
one more
say it with me
ONE FREAKING MORE
i hope i can make it till then

i hate it when i get sick
have i mentioned how
i dislike when someone asks me 'are you sick?'
could you not tell from my varnished eyes, and my tense face
my face was pale
i was in pain
am i that hard to figure???
the question by the way,
only increases the chances of me barfing on you. (dear asker)

lesson one: never ask me something when my face is not colored and my words are mumbled

now, i will turn back to my books - torn pages- studying or better yet memorizing for my tests.

wish me luck.

:(

I'm Only Seventeen !!!!!

2006-12-11T02:15:00.000+03:00

WINTER BREAK - ing (10 days)
but before relaxation, i'm stuck with this

1. blinded by tests
2. freaking -boring- projects
3. treachorous -unforsaken- labs
4. useless crappy -defeaning- homework
5. too many drawings to do -sore-
6. no escapism within novels-argh-
7. the above all becuz winding down to vacation
8. everyone is deciding that now is the perfect time to barf information and binge on studying...could they not have made something workable for both sides....and not cramming everything in one week. screw the mastermind
9. i hate but that has subsided
10. i now just carry on, dont give a damn anymore. how many days till grad.
11. standing in the rain, mindlessly, waiting, i want to repeat that cycle. i lived the moment. can i be refilled soon, ?.
12. sleep. sleep. sleep. eat. sleep. sleep. sleep. sleep. sleep. live. sleep. eat. sleep. sleep. draw
13. i was cheated, winter break is just two freaking weeks
14. i trust, once vacation drags on, i will be too fulfilled by sleep....will probably screw up my sleeping habiat. as if it isnt screwed already?.
15. i think i will rest with the number 17'
16. am i boring you?
17. i dont care ;)

Without Regards

2006-12-05T17:55:00.001+03:00

I stood on a platform,
As he assessed my composure

I relaxed my posture,
Stared intently at his gaze

He noticed my indifference-
Pitied my solemn state

My frock he destroyed,
Shredding to bare my skin

I felt not a thing,
Numb in course

Night and Day-
No difference

Once again;
I live.

-your battlefield

ONE THING IS CLEAR.....

2006-12-04T04:34:00.000+03:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACQUI

I LOVE YOU

so shall we get 23 candles

hence, oldie save your breathe
you need to blow out that much...:)

anyways....

have a belated day

DUCKIE

You're Clawing At My Throat, And You're Crying...

2006-12-01T21:14:00.000+03:00

Now you act suprised
To hear what you already knew
When all you ever had to do was ask
I'd have told you straight away
That all those lies were truth
And all that was false, was fact...

So why is it now after I had my fill
You steal sorrow I have earned
Shall we call this a lesson learned...

Ray Lamotagne - lessons learned (incomplete lyrics)

******

I've concluded a phase in life, no turning back and assessing faults and blunders that rattled me merciously this present year. I am also looking forward to concluding the phase of high school because to matter with facts, I dont feel anything more towards it. Numb in feeling, just study, eat, sleep, Repeat the cycle.

I found this year to be a total nightmare. I hope nothing of its sort accompanies the next year because I just dont have the energy to deal with it anymore. Anyways, I will reduce the honesty I seem to let seep through my fingers easily to the computer screen and just wish you pleasant sleep.

Battle Field, with intricate chaos...what would you say???

And So She Fell Apart....

2006-11-27T22:27:00.000+03:00

And so she fell apart...

As she read that book to be written
And those pages to be torn
A fabrication written in black ink
-of a fable-like bliss
never to exist.

She was murdered
intentionally-
by her own sins.

-YOUR BATTLEFIELD

----------------------
i am so busy, i dont even think i have time to breathe
i cant wait for this last year to end
and part ways no matter what unravels with the days...

Random Loves Me ( He Said So)

2006-11-24T21:27:00.000+03:00

*i started reading a novel at 9 pm and finished it at 1 am. ( everything and the moon i give to you)

*who came up with na7oo - i'd like to give that person a piece of my mind -physically (oft..i just cant seem to soak that crap into my head)

*i think a new blog layout is deem fit to spice this battlefield...(processing a new theme)

*i've done nothing productive except sleep from 1 pm thursday until 2ish in the evening this friday...it seems for the past few days i sleep and awake at 2 pm...(i ususally wake early on the weekends..and to think how can you be productive if you sleep ;) the irony)

*when i fall in love with something, i keep to it for awhile and hours later, i hate it...my constant love springs about hate...(i'm talking about songs. etc.)

*8 minutes into the show 'Ugly Betty' the latest eposide...i stopped it unintentionally, but then i didnt even bother to resume from where i left off....the show seems to have lost its touch.
*i am two steps away from screaming with joy, first i have to write a couple of words overcoming something and push the send button and i'm off and about....(no more constrained thoughts...i'll beg no pardon ;) at least temporarily not yet)

*i think i shall start another book, screw na7oo i'll cramp for it tomorrow....but i will refrain from finishing the book...i need something to get me through another joyous week of school (sacrasm intended)

*i offered you a box of not chocolates...just pesky insects... cause that is what you are ...(night)

*why do you give my hopes away?...>?

*dont you just love my random titles...they are never related to my posts most of the time...:)

I'm Getting Too Old For This.

2006-11-23T21:34:00.000+03:00

this is how she comes clean
yes, my desktop.

im tired now
clearing the junk exhausted me
going to bed
this post sucks
also, oh never mind...(you wouldn't understand if) i mentioned it.

i miss

Lost In A Painting...

2006-11-22T01:30:00.000+03:00

Paint me in earth tone acryllics
Stroke thy canvas with bristoles
Resort neither to reconstruct a figment being
nor acidify feelings
Just sweetness
Astound with pleasure
Ablaze features

Tainted, alas you stroke my skin
I'll be patient and flee after
completion
ill used

This week of mine:

Saturday: erm i can't recall
Sunday: oh yes, plotting a skim and falling in a trap
Monday: ditch
Tuesday: bright with contrasts, screw reflections oh 'such' much...
Wednesday: yet to be known...

i am thinking of doing something, but those thoughts keep lagging behind in my tracks...i think burying them is better then settling with dust.

good night

I Bite You, 'Recollect'

2006-11-20T19:33:00.000+03:00

You touch my lips; graze the dust that accumulated with your absence.
You undo the memories; the recollections that blinded my eyes.
I can see again - a shame.

You touch my legs, they can move again; the ligaments no longer crumpled.
They can endure your walking away.

You relapse conversing with sanity, my senses shudder.
Ironic, you are a figment stemming my imagination.
But I felt nothing.

You touch my ears; I hear no more crude remarks slipping from your lips.
You cover my mouth, I can breathe no longer or spark the hurt of 'recollect'.

So I bit you.

-your battlefield

-------

i guess i couldnt stay away from you, i am back again. 7 days away (such a long while). your my addiction, i can i can never turn away from you.

blogger,

i love you.
(no one else but you ;) )

I Will Not Miss You, Be That For Sure.

2006-11-14T20:09:00.001+03:00

I can not come up with words, I am wordless. I just noticed that this november I've only posted twice and thats the least number of posts per month for my blog. I think what I need now is a separatation from blogger, we no longer meet halfway. Its aggravating me , making me senseless. It's taking hell of an effort to assort all the thoughts lavishing my mind, but they seem to blur and distort themselves whenever the keyboard and my fingers dance. I am lost, and therefore the ryhthm is destroyed. I shall focus not on this blog now. I am not quiting, these words I speak are just my blabs of nonsense but be it with that, I think I am going to take a break

dear reader, thou you do not care
i am no longer writing here at least for the (couple of) week(s)
i might back out but anyways,

dear blogger
we finally part
but just for sometime.

i will not miss you, be that for sure.

Untitled

2006-11-10T22:12:00.000+03:00

I'm utterly speechless, aggravated with irrelevance. Can't you compensate with love and bend to your knees? Obey my commands, kneal before me. Crawl about my feet. Lower your voice, shackle your hands behind your back and give in easily. Trust me, fighting the forces will bring you nothing. I will use you as I please. I will graze and prick your skin pathetically. You will curse undoubtfully. But you haven't listened to what I've said. You've fallen prey to the predator of thou's heart. Thus deserving thou's shame, I abstain from pleasure. For heavens sake, haven't you guessed already!?!! I care to feed you pain not bliss....damn you for thinking more than what already is.

.
----
am rusty, its been awhile since i've written something here...hope you like (i'm mixing tenses but i dont give a damn this moment in time)
i'm loving the cold breeze...its great for going to the beach
;)

I Forfeit...Do As You Please

2006-11-05T02:41:00.000+03:00

breathing sin
tortorous fingertips
blaze this desire
i'm too tired
distinguished...

i forfeit
holding myself back

was useless

!

---

When It Falls Into Place, You and I

2006-10-31T01:19:00.000+03:00

i'm in pain, my toes are numb...i wouldnt blame them..they've been walking all day from 7 in the morning yesterday to 6 pm yesterday in school..yes i had to stay till that time doing an after school activity...my heels feel like they've stepped in glass and soaking them in hot salt water has done nothing, freaking useless.

to top that all off as i was walking around in my room, the ground is made of marble, everything is so my darling baby sister is walking before me and all of a sudden i trip on my feet ;( and i push her out of my way trying to use the wall as a net to catch me but she was in the way..i moved her fast as not to bring her down with me and i fell on my spine..and on the cold marble ground i couldnt reach the wall fast enough..im still in pain and when it happened i turned quickly laying on my stomache as not to paralyze the pain but make it flow...i have no idea how i got the energy to do such reaction...and when i retold the story to my sister, she laughed at me :P

so now basically im aching, im tired, im weary, im cold, im hot, im stiff, im sore and i am i am a clutz today...i almost fell down the staircase as well...either its me or gravity isnt working its magic on me...what i need is a relaxing sleep session call never wake...:0) care to join..

the battlefield fallen to the ground...

A Beautiful Lie

2006-10-27T05:50:00.000+03:00

Disclaimer: Who reads this BATTLEFIELD blog? comeout comeout dont hide...curiousty once killed the black cat ;p

neeways:

i havent slept yet i decided since tomorrow is school, i should fix my sleeping trouble and last till 7 pm tonight and then snooze till dawn...that shall be refreshing at least i hope it will be. i do wish i dont fall asleep during the day plus i am having lunch at grandma's so inshallah i dont fall prey to the coziness and drift off to sleep....blah i dont like sleep anymore i use to love it but no worries when school gets back to session i will running back to my love, sleep and maybe then i can have some decent dream sleep.

brightside, all the crappy tv shows airing during ramadan ended...and with them i ended with tears of regret yes i wasted my time watching those shows i started off not watching but then i was thrown into their whirlpool. let me tell u how this!!! i demand and shall sue i need my hours back that i wasted on those stupid stupid stupid...do you see where i'm goin with this...screw them i cried in the ending of 7beeb el rou7 (although i hate egyptian shows this one appealed to me..it was great but sucky worthless ending), and other shows as well..maybe i am over sensitive and i shall have to take a crashcourse to be rigid, stern and emotionless...yallah next ramadan oh wait...*daydreams* maybe not

lastly, i demand someone ..a blogger write a script that is worth watching and dosent suck....

i do miss ramadan alot,

:(
:o(
:0(

I Grab Your Attention With This...

2006-10-25T18:07:00.000+03:00

Let me grab your attention: Did anyone know for a fact, Jacqui can't open her own bottle of water, she uses me to turn her caps. I swear, she will kill me. Oh well, that's one thing off my chest ;P

Now since I got you reading...here is what's been going on with ... After pleading for someone to cough at me, week by week- I have finally gotten sick. The flu has paid visit to everyone weeks ago (my siblings, my parents, everyone around and it didnt bother me) but now finally, it knocks me down. It doesnt have the deceny to even ring the door bell.

You might wonder, "why the hell do you want someone to cough at you"..this stupid girl typing, thought it was be a great sensation, the running nose, the stiff throat, the words all husky as they formulate on her tongue and the disfigured coughs. Yes, I am odd but I guess you can say satisfication has finally set, I have gotten what I asked for.

Well, I should just take things slowly, finish the work that keeps stacking up. I'm always smarter when I get sick. It's a blessing now, I can write better...study wise ;} I have three essays for apps and I can feel the barrier breaking...I can feel the words flowing easily on word(microsoft) ;) anyways, I am thankful...sick but thankful.

leave me a comment about the spoiler...do you do something so simple for anyone...me i turn the caps, to help jacqui's palm..she says it hurts ;p yea right

Something You Want To Forget About

2006-10-24T01:03:00.000+03:00

Last birthday? Feb. 8 2006

Last meal? Burger King...it stuffed me to the core

Last spending splurge? pardon me, but i dont recall my last spendin splurge ;9... i think im going to have one soon as it is hehehe ;) you dont need to know ehem

Last time you cried? do you even care..so why bother telling ;[

Last career? erm i'm retired didnt you know :P

Last website visited? Scarlo's Blog...the darling whose done this to me...i shall kill you ;} but i still luv u

Last person you spoke to? My baby sister..Lujain

Last song you listened to? the fray - heaven forbid

Last book you read? The lady and the unicorn by tracy chavilear

Last TV show watched? Ugly Betty but it wasnt on tv...so i guess the last tv show i watched was حبيب الروح

Last person you IM'd? i'm on a break!

Last word you said? you....you did say last word so you dont know what was before the 'you' part...curious arnt yah ;)

btw i hate anything that includes the number 23........the day, the age, the everything...that number to me is something dead...doesnt exist on my calendar or anything :[

btw blogging is wearing off on me...i am actually censored in my thoughts cuz now i know that ... ahh u dont care so i wont bother ;)

LAST BTW COLORS ARENT WORKING WITH ME...

Give Back My Voice..I'm Lost Without It

2006-10-21T01:39:00.000+03:00

i've lost myself- i seem to be at loss with words, i've tried numerous times to begin a post but to no avail i am configured to this spot...wordless and desiring to speak but someone holds a key to my chamber of thoughts and i've lost sight in everything...i am saddened with misery for not helping me out, i need to assemble myself and...hmph

inspire me while i am shackled to this fate of being speechless residing without words.

-battlefield

Go Away No I've Had Enough Of You

2006-10-15T22:58:00.000+03:00

A picture is worth a thousand unspoken words...
wont you say?...

how can you mend a broken heart...?

saturday: slow and uneventful
sunday: just keep it moving
monday: allah yastir what's to come :P

ramadan is almost over....its going away too soon...i love this month bas it goes by with the blink of an eye... inshallah its coming days are beautiful:-)

....
btw the sky is no longer grey in my forecast you were the shadow trapping me so go away now, i've had enough of you!!!

It's In Water Baby...It's Between You and Me

2006-10-14T00:36:00.000+03:00

you explain...

LET ME CATCH MY BREATHE

2006-10-13T02:01:00.000+03:00

YOU WENT BY SO FAST
LET ME CATCH MY BREATHE
REPEAT TOMORROW
TONIGHT WAS NOT AS PLANNED
I DIDNT DO ANYTHING FOR YOU
YOUR UNFINISHED
STACKED ON MY DESK
A FEW HOURS LEFT
THEN IM SUCKED BACK TO YOUR WHIRPOOL
WISHING FOR THE WEEKEND
ONCE AGAIN
WE REPEAT OUR STEPS

---erm just verifying that i didnt do anything productive and i have so much to do...today to be extremely :(

Chained Malice With No Desire

2006-10-09T21:46:00.000+03:00

blindfold her eyes

touch her creamy skin
tell her tomorrow's anguish
can dispense with a smile on her lips

bind her hands
grip her wrist
touch her fingernails
and whisper this

'your bound to my illusion'
this is your conclusion

yet now
he's her disgrace
she spits blindly at his face
he holds on to her tighter

this image ripes from intensity
their souls are chained physically
one fights fiercely to be released
the other ferociously holds on aggravated to his knees

disaster will strike their chaotic bliss
they both end
before anything begins

------
everything is going forward, but i cant seem to walk straight...i need a relaxation week to move away from the stress of school and other .... and everything was meant to be for those sweet and sour moments that unmask your emotions and test your skin....about week six into the year...i'm fused waiting to explode...

well then i better get going enjoy the poetry i wrote which sedates my nerves ;]

no picture cuz me and blogger are hating each other it refuses to load any of my pictures so we are on a break ;P

Without When Within You

2006-10-06T19:40:00.000+03:00

a book i checked out plan to schedule a day soon to get lost into it

my thingies that store my books...i love to put brochures of musuems and etc my pops gives me...it makes me experience beauty without taking a step...

i am mulling over many ideas, many concepts, many everythings...but no outcome is present, no pamphlet of accomplishments was published...i see a detour coming up ahead...should i take a turn or just crash into the construction sign...

life would be meaningless without the struggles so life give me more struggles and flavor these days cause last month you seasoned me all over with much tooo many burdens..this month i am the one begging for your miserable glory...

btw it sucks when you make the girge3an you get snipped by the cutter trying to flair that string into a ribbon without a good result ending up needing to redo everything to square one...

Will You Still Be There When It Ends?..

2006-10-04T01:12:00.000+03:00

Do you like it?
I drew this in paint, the progam you find in your accessories file thingie
It took quiet awhile to make this expression...
It's my feeling of the moment
The drawing can speak words that I dont need to touch on...

tu: it just never ends does it...did it even begin???

Opens Up For Nobody....

2006-10-02T01:30:00.000+03:00

You made me wait so long, so long that
I got used to missing you
You came back after a long time
I now love longing for you more than I love you
---poem by Aziz Nesin

I came across this poem today and feel in love, i also fell out of love of something with reality...i can say this and it might hint .."where did i go wrong, i lost a ... somewhere along in the bitterness..."

tu.. i dont care anymore, continue this charade but we wont ever be the same again..never if this is all a lie.

You'll Never Figure Me Out

2006-09-30T21:09:00.000+03:00

i remember....

undying memories that left me blind
breathe in, exhale that breathe out

you shoved me against the stone hedges of that door
slapped my face thrice it was
then ended the brutality by uttering those words
and flattering my neck in wounds of broken glass
blood separated the odds
i relapsed into sanity
you pushed me to the ground

light those matches and burn my skin
i dont feel pain

....
i never have

erm i should be studying for my two tests i have tomorrow instead of writing ;}
whats going on with you..?
me this is my last september ever in highschool ;)

We Just Tore Apart...

2006-09-27T02:24:00.000+03:00

you picture me, i picture you
we tear apart
from our core to the edges
putting the pieces back together
with my tears and the waxing residue from the candle we left lit near the frame
for dying happiness and our intricate chaos
we are in bliss of ending without a begining to start
we just tore apart...

dont put me back together

click...dont pause.
----

fyi: ;{ hope you like that short piece.... :}

Just Sit Back And Relapse

2006-09-24T21:13:00.000+03:00

the taste of tea after fa6oor is just so exhilarating and pleasing, where as, during normal months it's just plain, steaming hot and dark shade of crimson.

i had three cups, still wanting more...i'm guessing it isn't good to intake this much tea :)

Yellow Petals On Green Vines

2006-09-24T02:58:00.000+03:00

i love this painting, love it - love it
just so serene, calm and soothing to look upon
dont recall the painters name but nonetheless, a work of art.

All In Me Aching To Release

2006-09-22T12:29:00.000+03:00

Staring Back at Me
.....
why cant i just forward this week and come to that night of seeming of nothing left

why???

physics,astronomy,toefl all of that bogus tomorrow
god save me

Sometimes in Life...

2006-09-21T20:27:00.000+03:00

....

Cold Lonesome Bowl of Misery

2006-09-20T19:42:00.000+03:00

week three:

saturday: i dont remember you or me.
sunday: i'll walk for your dawn but you settle at mine.
monday: in between days waiting for two weeks to go by without a touch of the next
tuesday: too much plans for a journey of tests next week..
wednesday: i cried you a river and you ...

i dont give a damn anymore....so just leave me "out with the waste"

oh what fun last to be, september of all years no coming back to high school...senior steps getting closer to graduation... whatever.

And Then We Fall To The Ground

2006-09-17T21:41:00.000+03:00

The misery and hate you lived in will never let us be. I am desperate for release- from your gruesome reality. We are living nothing but a lie of dying love, abiding loyalty to better the odds of ending up tangled in wounds of our own making. Our eyes speak the words that bit our tongues, bruised our lips and inflicted hurt against ourselves. I choose to disregard your preceptions and devour our so called lust - bleed till this feeling of pain numbs my course. End it now my venegeance to an enemy - we together cause a newfound war. We together are not one, you condescend me and I exhale my hurt on your skin- and then we fall to the ground.

a short crappy piece by me trying to take a break from working on that never ending project and touching up on my essay... argh ;) i crave sleep!

Nothing Less Than Ever More...

2006-09-15T19:42:00.000+03:00

went to virgin...found the book i was longing to get...i'm so filled with glee just must add time in my schedule to read it...but i didnt find the other book cant wait to snuggle up with, my sisters keeper.

the book i got is called "the lady and the unicorn"...since i read "girl with the pearl earring" it coerced me into wanting to read the authors other book and so here i stand with it waiting for the right moment to devour the book and enjoy the words...i cant wait till i have time with no tests or anything holding me back from reading with ease :)

i saw a monkey, the cutest monkey in a pink tutu in a car...ford it was....adorable adorable adorable.....so now these days to pick up chicks or etc you get an adorable pet and force them into extinction but got to say, clever thinking a girls downfall are cute animals...:P

beautiful friday, great beginning and inshallah a great end....well then i'm off to sprinkle fairy dust here and there and eat me some dinner to get a good nights rest for the day to come ahead.

;)

You Disregard My Efforts And Completely Shatter

2006-09-13T16:08:00.000+03:00

week two of ... nothing much

saturday- surreal moments without troubles & birth of my cousin ;)
sunday- dont leave me alone saturday, at least delay tomorrow
monday- a wrinkled sheet of loose leaf paper with ink stains
tuesday- your true colors penetrate your fake self..
wednesday- i'm too old for your s***t - so grow up!

week two of senior year oh what fun i'm filled with glee and disappointment!

bunch of tests for next weeks forecast
maybe i'm overstating things but thats how they seem to me this instant of a second

i try to mend the broken pieces that scored your eyes and tensed your smile but the glue isnt strong enough to mask your true emotions - you disregard my efforts and completely shatter......

till the next post ...

I'm Not Temporary... I'm Permanent

2006-09-12T17:00:00.000+03:00

**** ***!

i dont care if this offends you
i dont give a damn anymore
do you really blame me
just look around this world
no one gives a ****
people just walk all over you easily
but i stood up and
i'll do it again
i'm a battlefield
i've earned my name
so **** off and do the same
*****

When We Part

2006-09-11T02:00:00.001+03:00

if i acclerate your heartbeat would you decelerate my rotation about your feet.
if i begged your velocity to slow all this down would our displacement be miles farther apart.
if i told you this nonsense is a link between astronomy and physics
late night studying for an ackward quiz
summarizing all of what i read no doubt this outcome is rather marvelous
tells you for a fact my minding is on focus ;)
but damn memorizing equations is a setback
these constellations in the sky are lighting this knowlegde
overflowing my revolution in the course of my orbit
neither physics nor astronomy can ruin my forecast ;)

creative dontcha think ;P

Tropical Storm of Emotions

2006-09-06T12:42:00.000+03:00

saturday- breathing easily without force
sunday - just 3 more days till the weekend
monday- i want to get this year over and done with
tuesday- no longer breathing, why do they complicate things?
wednesday- living a nightmare cant wake up!

just week one of my last year ya rab ya rab everything unravels with ease in the upcoming weeks...this week was just too much consumed info, ****, far too long and far to slow...

complicate me but aggravate some other !!!

now tell me what would you say wanasa is?what would be funny to read?funny to see?i need your feedback!

Take The Pain Away

2006-09-05T21:45:00.000+03:00

is that alright?

Dirty Little Secret - Depressed

2006-09-03T20:26:00.000+03:00

She trembles on the verge of death; pain embodies the heartbeats perplexing the tears- she longer can handle any of this...She begs to disengage herself with the echo of silence. Just a few seconds to inhale this strangeness- not enough to exhale that breathe; she dies....right after you.

I Just Couldn't Wait For You.

2006-08-31T01:23:00.000+03:00

I've had enough of you- imprisoning my thoughts, emotions and fucking up everything. I want to run away from you; my life is shattering like that broken glass. Pain shall eventually kick in I guess it was a bad idea showering myself in sharp glass- I thought I saw your reflection - you... I basically walked straight into you.

I tremble...I fall...Straight into your arms...and curse.

I'm all wet now- soaking my body in this salt water from the shore; with hope to cure myself of you. I am scrubbing hard with that rock, harshly, with intensity - to rid myself of you. I'm almost there; I'm almost pure and innocent from your touch but bruised.

I hesitate...I gasp...I walk...Fucking far from you.

Screw the memories, the feelings, and the happenings. The moments when you thought I wont make it for another gasp of air - I'm breathless from this...It's all just nonsense a way to fool ourselves - make us feel for something that will never be anything than bloodied scars, wounds that never heal and two lost souls searching to find nothing.

I slip...I drown...I hurt...I'm dying slowly.

I'm losing consciousness- I'm losing far too much blood. I try to touch the glass embedded in my flesh; I'm trying to let go of you. The glass is like that misplaced piece in a puzzle that was meant not to be fit in it's rightful place. It was meant to be soaking in crimson blood- it was meant to be tasteless. It was meant to be on my flesh. It was meant to be sprinkled with sand. Last in all, it added a memoriable touch to our reality - neverlasting.

My lips are dry...My eyes are resting...My heart is no longer beating.

"I just couldn't wait for you."

---------*---*---------
hope you liked that piece i wrote...its a story told within a few lines..simple yet far too complicated..

i'm anxious and happy...i cant wait to see my papa and sister today; inshallah they fly back to kuwait safely...and I cant wait to pick them up at the airport today- thursday this evening.

You Fade Away As Everything Burns

2006-08-26T00:25:00.001+03:00

I'm listening to Al-Mesafer Ra7 by Rashed Al-Majed.

I'm thinking more into his lyrics which brought tears to my eyes.

I'm wonderin how I shall survive the last days of my summer.

I'm hoping to write a story bas my creativity - everything is on the low.

I'm desiring to dig a hole to escape all of life itself.

I'm needing some hugs and words of endearment cause my summer is ending.

I'm wishing our school; senior year isnt going to start next week - saturday.

I'm understanding that today not many would have done what I did, pick up something a fellow stranger dropped - he was suprised at my actions and thanked me said I shouldnt have he would have gotten it...bas after that incident I thought to myself his words; his actions made me smile helping somebody out is a wonderous feeling...most people passed by without looking to help him but I thought different.

I'm breathing but mentally I'm dead - I plan to drain myself out of troubles within this life; you never get me so I shall always grieve for you.

I'm leaving you; leave me thoughts- cheer me up; my summer is coming to a conclusion, school will start within a few days a week to be exact....cheer me up.

المسافر راح

Whispers In Between

2006-08-22T22:11:00.000+03:00

i just finished watching prison breaks latest eposide and damn them...i'm waiting for more more more!!!!they cant leave me hanging like that not fair...yesterday i watched girl, interrupted its an old movie -it got me questioning my sanity; jolie was a great actress in it though i admit i dont like her but she did hell of a good job in acting psycho ;) last ten minutes i cried; cried; cried...argh- to top that off i watched primetime 20/20 which was documenting about the children that are lost...mentally; physically; etc...i tell you i should stop watching those things... but i wont ;) they leave me wondering; thinking; gripping to some sort of understanding !!

then i watched abc news they were talking about these two young twin girls who were singing hate music praising hitler etc; her mother taught them to hate all races except the whites... god the world is shriveling in integrity; we are losing it!! then something came on about how food is being genetically modified-argh great what more can we ask for ! everything is changing for the worse!!! then i watched about john mark karr and how he sipped wine on the flight back to the usa being suspected for the murder of jonbenet ramsey- i have a feeling he's 2 % innocent until proven 88% he's guilty...i think he's guilty of commiting something else and maybe just asking for his minutes to fame...but i think i'm wrong i'll just tune in to find out whats really happening...i still cant fathom how high profile cases seem to go unsolved; damn those people; tv shows appear to solve the crime within 45 minutes and they enrich us on how to commit the crime without leaving a trail behind...reality is television is causing all of this...we are being brainwashed in some sort of way.

i've read alot about serial killers- their mindset all of that intrigues me and well i've studied many of those killers ted bundy; charles manson; etc and still find it hard to believe some one with an innocent face, composure is guilty of commiting a sick sick felony- murder;rape; slaughter.

away from the troubles of the world to how it's been awhile since i've written a post; probably cuz of so much going on in my life this moment; and the past two days i was sick and reprocessing myself :)...finally my bedroom is beautifully finished; the colors are beige and dark blue and i like it...so who cares; wont post pics cuz i will feel it would be a destruction of my privacy...:Pnow since jackie has been away we can download anytime; anything without her disagreeing...so that keeps us updated with everything; jackie we watched john tucker must die; step up; lake house which i specifically begged darling to download :) and we are downloading much more...now i am dying to watch world trade center .

i demand prison break release another eposide this week i cant wait till next week; funny how prison break spurred up all the things i talked about :) well i'm hungry now; dinner time! ;)

Our Love Dried Up Like This Ink

2006-08-10T02:43:00.001+03:00

uPdate : FICTION READ AND ENJOY ;)

Excuse me; I bid of you to speak those words one more time. I'm sorry I didn't quite catch the attitude carressing that tone. I am beyond speechless - what you blurted out is nothing more than overreaction and pleading affection. You better learn to move on and let things go. I'm out of your grasp; stop lighting those candles - I blew them out. I burned down the fortress to your cavernous heart - tender and soft - what happened to you?

Years play back; memories of a rugged stance that face of silence masked you. But your identity is now uncovered and those words came out seemingly cluttered. Take a deep breathe my sweet, again I advise you to let it rest. We aren't meant to be what is singing in your heartbeat. Let it be sweet, let us move on and seek a fate destined away from your blunders; they obviously pacified the thirst of your longing and desiring attraction - but we both know that it is impossible for you to let go. So just take back those words; they are useless, voiceless and senseless.

I regret what we once have been; those lost escapes of bliss reveal my shame. I am ashamed of you and what you've done. Those words you spoke can not mend our broken hearts...Know that I've broken your heart just this once - you've torn mine apart a thousand times - thus be gone. I'm incapable of loving you ever more...love someone else love me not.

I hold no love within this heart; just marks and scathes and crimson blood.

-your battlefield-

We Both Together Could Never Be

2006-08-05T01:15:00.000+03:00

I'm putting away everything into boxes; and with that every piece of fabric unfolded memories. Yet, I found no remorse in hiding you; you do not belong in that box. Your far too precious to disregard so easily. But I'm compelled to let you go filled with regret...I must part with you and put an end.

At one point in life you were there for me...and withstood all the tears on my seams being worn out terribly with faults I possessed. Now I must face all that has come before us- it's time to let go. Thus, I am forced to move on and be someone different and stand back and watch you descend into something more that we both together could never be...

I'm concluding this phase in my life. Your to please some other soul cause you satisfied my needs far more than required of you. We once were bound lovers but tonight as I carefully packed your remains into an old dusty brown box - I smiled with hope that you please someone else; put a dire smile on that sad lost soul facing nothing with eyes ablaze hoping for a better tomorrow devasted from today.

Sincerely Yours The Battlefield You No Longer Underestimate ...

Update: I just wanted to add creativty to what I'm currently doing; cleaning out my closet and my bedroom....and placing books, clothes, everything into boxes.. put an end to a phase and experiment a new. Change should be different and difficult; now I must think of a color to paint my walls I want it black...but mama refuses and then again I want to paint my room with acryllic paint doodling the walls with images but that might be a bad idea...anywhoo I should continue what I started and resume my mission ;p...and settle for beige color or something soft instead ;)

Sullied Regrets Destroyed His Bliss

2006-08-03T18:46:00.000+03:00

He broke out in a pool of sweat
His face glistened the prespiration mixed with salty tears
His finger nails revealed dry crimson blood embedded with injuries
The expression he bore - sullied regrets
As his victim lay crumbled on the cold ground taunted in search to avenge...
The tresses of her curly hair heigthened the beauty he scarred with his touch
He stole her innocence and marked her soul with stains
He drugged his core with desire from her battling end
Buried in his heart was the ardent need to hear her breathe
As he placed a parting kiss to her pale flesh
He whispered that destroying her with love was how forever is to last
A paramour's promise wiled reason for slaughter
Without charges reading murderer

-your battlefield-

I THINK I'VE BEEN WATCHING TOO MUCH PRIMETIME....SERIAL KILLERS AND SUCH! it seems to influence my poetry...

in other news:

Update: template changed ; I think this still keeps my obession with black and white entact; but forever blissful these colors assure a realm of my reality that I live in....I am thankful my cheers darling sis no4 has done all this magic...i watched in the process and she got attitudish on me she didnt even let me go anywhere just sit beside till she's done...it's worth the trouble ;)....she is mashallah talented ;*** to her!

cheers darling

Tawa Bas Thakarney, Tawa Bas 3arafney; Oo Galba Mishtireeney

2006-08-02T18:07:00.000+03:00

don't say anything
don't lie to breathe a word of sin
just smolder my flesh with your eyes
and melt me down into your skin
just like you've done previously
continue this torture
i am yet too young to burn
and thus but haunted
with that dying shadow
i am lost
and that's how i am to give in
and haunt your skies
your dead but i'm dying
karma was a b*tch

-your battlefield-

past is the past look to the future hopefully it shall last....

it's funny how words are supposed to reassure but now their useless overused and sick.

my title; only is what it is... lyrics from ruwaished song ;(

I Got Years To Wait Around For You.....

2006-07-31T23:31:00.000+03:00

Dubai Welcomes Your Battlefield:

Day One: 23/07/06

Left the house, double checked mentally what I forgot to bring along with me ;) and then sat patiently in the car awaiting the terror to come, the airplane ride. I am not an airplane gal mainly due to the fact that the trip I once took for more than 7 hours flying with no rest was a horror. So this was pre-jitters anywhoo it weared off. My papa and big sis jackie took us to the airport..my mama, my 15 yr old sister and 4 yr old sister...let's call one darling and the other lulu nickname for her real name lujain and me left on the jet plane to dubai ;).

We checked our bags, passport check, etc and then we waited for the flight to be called- ordered for my babay lulu mc donalds to eat. I at this point couldnt stomach anything and if I did I would throw it up, I took a pandol sense my stomach was aching...mainly cuz it was that time in the month of all the days :(...suprisingly I wasnt in much pain this time specifically on the plane ride. But when we got to the hotel, after I stupidly ate dinner, the food didnt want to stay in so I threw up, and then that's when the pain kicked in...mama was my angel trying to make me feel better, hott water thingy on my stomach and I slept and apparently I talked in my sleep and she heard everything she told me i was reading sourat il fat7ah and she thought I was awake I have no clue anyways ;)...

The hotel we stayed at was kind of not the one we wanted, appartently the other hotel didnt confirm our rooms so we basically had to make due with what we got...My reaction to dubai was totally shocked and intrigued...I never pictured dubai like this. I've been here before but I never saw what I saw now... It was beautiful, different, glamorous and nothing I could have imagined it to ever be...

Day Two: 24/07/06

We changed our hotel room, since the one given to us was small and we were four, and the bed was king size yet it's not comfortable to all sleep on one bed when you have a little baby who likes to kick in her sleep ;). So we go to a bigger better room, me and my sister in one had two small beds and my mama and lulu had a room, a big king sized bed, etc anywhoo this is day one of really exploring dubai.

We grab a taxi and head off to get some lunch at Sahari Mall in sharjah, our hotel is also in sharjah since it's alchol free place and when you travel all girls you can never be too careful my point of view..anywhoo the mall was amazing, huge, decisive and so different from the one's in kuwait. We had lunch, spent over 6 hours walking around, exploring, shopping and then we stopped at this toy store that was freakin amazing. My darling sister fell in love with this doll and I think I met a gay prince charming...;) we browsed my baby sister wanted a toy so we got her what she begged for..a barbie car and day two is when she shall ask for a barbie ;) and get one.

Me and my darling sis, found a hot guy at 10 oclock typing on his Imac...so hot and tempting...ohh excuse my french but damn he was hott..why I wrote this here is beyond me...

My feet were aching when we got to the hotel, it was a damn entertaining excerise shopping. The driving there is awkard and different, they seem more civilized and people dont cut by you or chase you...people just drive and let you be. Just like in the mall as well, it's different than marina were you cant walk without someone chasing after you, annoying you, basically they have no gez which i enjoyed. Hell, you can go out in your pajamas and no one would give a damn.

Day Three: 25/07/06

We head off to Ibn Batutah Mall, this is where the real shopping begins and the bad part was having to carry the bags all around. Pictures of some of the things I got are below. We first tried to find the food court but that was a dead end so we found pizza express and the atmosphere was so soothing. They had interesting art hung on the walls, picture below. My baby sister had a blast thus far bas this is when we figured that our walking is too much for her, so we bought a baby stroller from mothercare and there is where I saw the hott ghana accent guy behind the counter...he's accent is just sooooooo speechless and when he smiled at me..attraction at first sight...what is wrong with me??.

Best part, my mama said go wild, buy what you like anything... So in each mall we go into a store, she and lujain go one way and me and my darling sister (15 yrs old) we go the other way and shop shop shop...and we met up when it's time to hit the cashier counter. Anywhoo, the atmosphere there is so friendly everyone I repeat everyone is friendly.

My feet hurt and ache some more; I can't feel my toes. When we got to the hotel and such, my sister jackie at home not with us tells me what I longed to here. Finally I'm registered for TOEFL thank to her, which is so pleasing to hear, part one of the process of college is underway anywhoo we tell her how we spotted this shop named "Jacky's" that's also where we buy sister fee who is in the states at college her birthday gift since last month she turned nineteen.. the mobile she wanted and we buy a camera since wooops we forgot to take one with us.

Day Four: 26/07/07

We head off to Wafi City, personally I didnt like the mall the shops were too labelish and ridiclously expensive for no reason what so ever. But I love the walls that are painted with scenery. We leave and head off to another mall, Dubai city centre and it's fun and very crowded. I buy some sexy shoes, heels personally i dont were high heels but those were worth the ache my feet would go through wearing them. We spot Aldo and go in, and me and my sister get the aids necklace chains thingy...you purchase it and part of the profit goes to aids research I presume. The leather of the chain is too strong smelling but it's for a great cause.

We browse up and down the mall, hott guy salesman at 9 oclock and eye contact vice versa...it's a physical attraction no something is really different with me I would never have said this but why am I even blabbing this out.. I duno...I left my brain in kuwait I presume.

I hate the taxi rides; too long since we go from dubai to sharjah. My feet are really sore, I think this is the exercise of my life ofcourse I feel the aches and such since usually I am sitting on my lazy bum or walking but not this much...;) Sleep sounds very tempting at this point, and when your out from morning to night for more than 7 hours you'll sleep like a baby.

Day Five: 27/07/06

Where the real fun begins, it's dubai ski time...we were sweaters, dress lujain in warm clothes since we dont want her to get sick and we head off to Emirate mall. It was freakin huge and we stop first at Dubai Ski. Since we have a four year old, ski slope is out of the question and thus we pay for the Snow Park thingy, we get our boots, the oversized jackets, lock our possesions in the lockers and head on in.

I have see fake snow before in malaysia never the real thing but someday I shall. Anywhoo it was great, it was dark in the begining blue and dim and then you walk and see all the snow moldings, the carvings beautiful and apparently the people outside look in on you. It's like we are being studied, we were the monkey's, funny and weird. We take pictures here and there, I wore no gloves and stupidly made a snow ball to throw that's when I stopped feeling anythin in my hands...it was sooooooo cold, freezing cold my hands were numb.

Lulu had a blast I went with her down this baby slope thingy for the kids, she had a great experience there and we captured her adorable reaction on camera as well as my small fall that froze my behind for minutes. Everyone was kind and friendly and we got some unwanted attention from the kuwaiti guys...who coindcence were on the same flight back home. ;) Interesting.

We shop, spend hours and such then head on to the hotel, me and my mama watched the movie they put on channel one "Man without a Face". We both were glued and intrigued and liked it. It was then and that day where mama enjoyed what I enjoy the most. Without A Trace and CSI crime investigation shows...i'm just fascinated and love how crimes and such are analyzed and people are caught etc...anywhoo...A great start and end to a wonderful day.

Day Six: 28/07/06

Homesick/ Longing for kuwait/went to china town aka dragon mart and then to another mall...i grew tired of shopping..i am anxious to get back to kuwait. I want out now.

Day Seven: 29/07/06

Let's say I am so homesick, the water in dubai is different, it tastes weird. I miss everything at home. Anywhoo I give my baby lulu a bubble bath in the tub to distract her since mama is going out alone. We just didnt feel like going out so it was a laid back day...the day we must pack and I felt anxious to go back to kuwait. Lujain enjoyed the bubbles and played with her toys while I montiored so she wouldnt slip or injury herself etc... Let's just say giving a baby a bath/shower in the process you will get soaked and wet all over. I dry her up, put her clothes on, she wants me to powder her tummy and neck and she's ticklish so she laughs and giggles from her end and me tickles her. I again try to distract her so she wont notice mama went out.. so I blow dry her hair so she doesnt get sick, I let her listen to the ipod and she starts singing "babe i'm gonna leave you"...she has it memorized. She then puts Rhinna "Unfaithful" on replay and sings and sings and sings....it was a total kodak moment.

We start packing, me and my sister finish within a matter of thirty minutes, my mama still didnt start. We order some dinner, eat and I nap for a while. Then when it was time to sleep, me and my sister just couldnt fall asleep. For the reason being, I kept talking to her, asking her questions, life related and such and we reminisced about the past and how anxious to get back we were. We couldnt sleep, and didnt. Our flight was at 12 dubai's time and so we had to go early to beat the traffic and let me tell you...traffic in dubai is nothing compared to kuwait. Our traffic is a blessing there you wont move for over twenty minutes...argh.

Day Eight: 30/07/06

Got dressed, called the reception to send someone to pick up our luggage. We left the baby stroller in dubai since it would be far too time consuming and back breaking to open and close and up and down place it here and there so we gave it away. Anywhoo, we check our bags and then go have some breakfast I later regret eating before the flight.

We browse the shopping area inside the airport, I buy some dvds, Manisfield Park and Sense and Sensibilty...basically eposides of the chapters and such of the novels I love. Anywhoo we check in and sit down waiting for the doors to open so we can board the plane. This is where I find the same people the guys I saw in dubai ski on the same flight back home. We flew via Jazeera airlines it was great in the coming but going back home was horrible.

The pilots voice was annoying, he sounded like a drunk tempered guy anywhoo my sister, baby sister and mom sat together. I am faced to sit away but beside them on the other side and two empty seats beside me. Suddenly I loved being there without any annoyance beside me but then two kuwaiti guy come and they sit in those two empty chairs beside me. The one near me was rather dashing but totally rude and such. I heard his whispers to his friend and it was rude and totally unkind of him to say what he said but whatever. I didnt give a damn and continued doodling what he remarked about was what i was doing...drawing...anywhoo screw him.

The landing was bummy and at a point I felt like I needed to grab the barf bag...we land hamdallah everything goes well the guy beside me was scared as well ;) deserves it for what he said. Anywhoo we get off the plane, I need my bed, I need to rest, we go threw the doors and spot jackie waiting for us. Papa couldnt come since he was still at work. We hug her, she greets us and I tell her how much we truly missed her and she drives us home. At one point in the car ride, I was feeling the entire airplane ride take a hold on me and the motion sickness but finally we get home. I greet them and then I just say i'm off to sleep. I just couldnt keep my eyes open and I couldnt stomach eating lunch so I slept.

The adventure was great to dubai, I had fun it was absolutely not what I expected but I missed kuwait, I missed my papa, sister and my everything.....I missed everyone and I shall miss my jackie and papa who are heading to USA this wednesday....heheh this trip was kind of like since she goes to usa and since we were meant to go but they backed out and said no so this is like the compensation but whatever...I had a blast and it's okay america can wait for me another day maybe next year inshallah if all goes well and things happen...but now I need to rest I'm flushed.

I need a vacation from the vacation. :) Those are but a few of the pictures taken the others include us (mama, sis, baby sis, and me, so i opted not to post them ;) i hope i didnt bore you :)

I dislike using the colors, I just wanted you not to blind your eyes from the constant white hope it helped

Physically Back Yet Psychologically I'm Lost!

2006-07-30T22:07:00.000+03:00

i'm back.

i'm finally back.

exhausted, tired, homesick, you name it.

my heart and soul missed you.

it shall always belong to you.

i missed you.

i dread to leave you.

i am not the same without you.

.....my kuwait....

i have no clue how i would have survived a flight duration for over an hour....to think i was supposed to go to the US with papa this year...thank god i'm not

just call me homesick....and dubai 7 days is tooo much 5 is tops, upcoming post will be hopefully picture post of my destinations and such...i did enjoy dubai ski had my share of bottom hard cold frozen bottom aka....fell on my bottom ;)

YBF calling Jacqui....dearest JUST BITE ME! ;)

2006-07-21T21:17:00.000+03:00

BEST:
1. Male friend: none that i know of...:) no one fits the description ;) kidding
2. Female friend: fufuwa, doonz
3. Vacation: Malaysia, let's just say the camera caught all the never to miss moments, my mama sliding on the ice, taking me down as well, my 2 older sisters wanting a tan so they sat in the sun, we put on sunscreen and went swimming and came out tanned...and them sun burned...lol i remember the joy in seeing Jackie peel off her skin and sigh over the horror and such of burning from the sun... humph butterfly farm(seriously there's such a thing)...we not only saw butterflies but reptile creatures as well, my first sip of lemon or was it green tea it was so bitter and disturbing... and how can i miss my Jackie's frog incident experience if it wasn't for me and my masterful abilities at playing pranks she would have never met her soul mate that frog ;)...i'm hoping the trip to Dubai with my mama and sister's will be another blast as well :p jetting off on sunday ;) i'll miss you guys

WORST:

1. Time of day: morning sometimes
2. Day of the week: sunday
3. Color crayon: white...poor excuse for profits...the damn thing doesn't even color properly!! hehehe even on black paper it comes out grey....call it the new shade of grey

LAST:
1. Person you talked to that goes/went to your school: most are traveling, so i shall say my younger sister 'cheers darling' at times i think we are twins...our thoughts are the same but hell got to admit she is a genius i'm not, she's mashallah a talented graphic designer...just look at her blog...all her stuff is rocking beautiful and thanks to her my header is lovely made by her...and she;s younger (15) but looks older than me... i lurve her and she's also the sister who i can joke like hell around with...our relationship is filled with laughs, her lame jokes and mine as well....but hell we always giggle whether its funny or not ;)
2. Talked to on the phone: doonz my best friend
3. Text: i hate using mobiles, only when needed and so ...no text message... probably cuz i take a hell of a time trying to type the message ;(...currently my mobile is being used by jacqui when she runs out of credit...let's just say before i gave it to her my papa used to pay 100 fils per month for me calls...i just dont like using it...thats just my prerogative ;)
4. Person who Instant Messaged: fa6oom

TODAY:

1. What are you doing now: nothin this moment but in a bit i shall pack pack pack....time is going by so fast i need to get ready for take-off and also i have to register for that TOEFL test argh before i leave...;(
2. Wearing: Pink Tank, part of me pajamas

TOMORROW:

1. Is: a new day i wish it rains but hell all we have here is dust, dust, and some more dust!
2. Got any plans: see what i forgot to pack...video camera is a must not to forget...i cant wait to videotape our falls on the ice..my baby sister lulu's first trip ;)..i hope the airplane ride is peaceful and she adjusts well to it
3. Goal: relax and plot the terror to come
4. Dislikes about tomorrow: everything and then nothing :(

FAVORITE:

1. Number: 3 and 17
2. Song: abduallah ruwaished-wainy;damien rice-volcano;the fray-how to save a life; nawal-enta 6ayeb ?...do you get the hint i have sooo many favorites hard to name one only ;P
3. Color: black, white, purple

CURRENTLY:

1. Missing Someone: yes ;(
2. Mood: in between emotions
3. Wanting: chocolate fudge brownies and ice-cream

TRUE/FALSE:

I am a cuddler: true
I am a morning person: sometimes
I am a perfectionist: always true
I am an only child: nope false...number 3 out of 5 sisters
I am currently in my pajamas: true
I am currently pregnant: hahahha....let me get over laughing..false
I am currently suffering from a broken heart: not that i know of!
I am left handed: i wish...i'm a right-handed person all my family is except mama she's a lefty.
I am addicted to Blogging: guilty as charged
I am online 24/7: nope
I am very shy around the opposite gender: not always
I can be paranoid at times:the story of my everyday life...true at times
I currently have a crush on someone: yes i sadly do ;(
I currently regret something that I have done: true
I enjoy country music: false but sometimes true
I enjoy smoothies: true
I enjoy talking on the phone: true
I have a hard time paying attention at school/work: false but true when i'm functioning on less than 2 hours of sleep
I have a hidden talent: true *wink wink* many you dont know of and never will
I have a lot to learn: yes
I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal: how did you know ;)lol

ANGER

1. Are you currently mad at someone? not that i recall, but i think so
2. Which of your friends has the worst temper? none
3. Have you ever thrown something at anyone? yes, pillows, toys...:)
4. Ever had something thrown at you? yes ;) when we are in our sisterly fights
5. When you’re mad do you prefer to stare angrily or yell and scream? attack my target ;) no just kidding but i ignore it let it build up in and then scream and feel relieved :P

EXCITEMENT

1. Has anyone ever thrown you a surprise party for you? no, but i will act suprised if you threw me one hint hint my birthday is in feburary the 8th ;)
2. Are you easily excited? yes
3. What are you most excited about? graduating seeing my parents face light up with joy and starting the next phase in my life (independent and attending university)
4. If you won a million dollars what would be your first thought? papa and mama your going on a vacation for life! :) dear sisters....let's go backpacking through europe....rest of the family what have you always wanted...is now yours ;)
5. If you could have anything right now what would it be? you.

SELF-DISCOVERY

1. Name: dana aka dandoona
2. Where were you born? kuwait, hospital name i dont remember i was busy coming into the world at 3 am...
3. What’s your main goal in life? have world peace is a no no...since it never happens so i shall say show 'you' how life is loving and hope is everlasting and happiness is always within your grasp....and work hard to achieve my masterplan...taking over the world ;)...and live the artful life ;P
4. How do you want to die? painless

OPINIONS

1. Sex before marriage? no comment
2. Gay Marriage? no comment
3. Lower the Drinking age? no comment
4. Recycling? yes

DREAMS

1. What was your latest dream? something blissful and exciting
2. Have any of your dreams come true? yes
3. What was the weirdest dream you’ve ever had? lots of weird ones...but i shall change it to scariest dream...of that black cat who chased me around the house clawing my skin, i woke up with a few bruises and scratches odd and spokey....this dream was when i was age 6...talk about a nightmare ...a weird dream would be that of when apparently i won a hell lot of money...does that mean future is $$$ ;P

1. Straight, Gay, Bi? straight
2. Do you have a bf/gf? no
3. Do you have a crush? yes

How many beds did you lay in yesterday? mine so one
What color shirt are you wearing? pink not my favorite color but who gives..
Name one thing that you do everyday? smile
What color are your walls? white
How much cash do you have on you right now? wallet not near me so none
I can’t wait till…?sunday when i'm off to dubai for a week
When was the last time you saw your dad? just awhile ago
What did you have for dinner last night? i slept early 6pm so had no dinner but then made myself a sandwich when i woke up at 2 am
What’s the last piece of clothing you borrowed from someone? shirt from jacqui my oldest sister who loves me dearly but i hate her for tagging me argh.
What website(s) do you visit the most during the day? hotmail, gmail, deviant art, kuwait blogs, my blog,
Does anything hurt on your body right now? my back this calls for the need to excerise more ;)

HAVE YOU EVER:

1. Have you ever failed a class? a test yes but class no, biology i got a D+ on the first test but end of the quarter baby i worked my grade up to an A-..let's just say when you set your mind on something and work hard...it freakin pays off ;)
2. Have you ever sung in front of a crowd? no i have no singing voice but i guess these days you dont need a voice, just bare some flesh and your cd's are bought!
3. Have you ever not taken a shower for 3 days? nope i love to be fresh, clean, and showers also help change the mood your in..:)
4. Have you ever slept with a night light? last night when i was too lazy to get up and close the night lamp after reading....the bed was too cozy and i just fell asleep ;) but usually i cant fall asleep with the lights on...it has to be dark, cold and cozy ;)
5. Have you ever danced in the rain? me and the rain are a love story ;) so yes i have danced in the rain
6. Have you ever lied? dont we all?
7. Have you ever had contacts? nope..al hamdallah no contacts, no glasses, ;)
8. Have you ever tripped over something stupid? yes yesterday over my baby sisters toys i tell you one day i'm going to break a part of my body from her carelessness ;P but i love her sooo much that i wont give a damn :P

PICK ONE:

1. Samosa, Pakora, Kebab: sambosa
2. Bollywood, Lollywood, Hollywood: hollywood
3. Love marriage, Arranged marriage: love marriage but what if the arranged marriage turned into a love marriage....hmph i'm too young to think of marriage let me just think of studying and achieving ;) i'll get back to this question later on in life.
4. Honeymoon, no moon: honeymoon somewhere exotic
5. How many kids would u like 1,2, 3+: 2 or 3...i love children their the joy in this life
6. Kulfi, Ice cream: ice-cream
7. Shah ruk khan, Orlando Bloom: can you say fugly taste...no i opt for CRISTANO RONALDO -sigh- the love of my life heheh, the whole portugal soccer team, my crush, ;)
8. Meenar-e-Pakistan, Eiffel Tower: eiffel tower maybe but take me to scotland, england..and let me look at the castles and daydream...admire the beauitful architecture...just leave me in europe and i'll find my way to paradise :P
9. Lahore, Khi, Islambad: tooo lazy to answer this one but if i had to i would visit them all...i love traveling and experiencing the world of diversity in everything but i hate having motion sickness on the flight to the destinations ;)

_______________________________________________________________

I tag:
anyone who wants to be tagged....i didnt want to do this tag either but oh hell that was not an option forfeiting the tag JACQUI i hate you but i still love you thanks i guess for the tag ;*****

i'm sorry you had to read about not so intersting things bout me ;)

and today is day one of my blogging vacation...........no more posts till further notice ;) i love you all and i shall miss you for awhile but inshallah all goes well and i'll be back ;) on the 30th of july

Where Did I Go Wrong?...

2006-07-20T08:30:00.000+03:00

Attention: you are promised many laughs and some moments of silence...read and enjoy ;)

The Pets in My Life: after i discuss each and every creature leave a comment; tell me about your pets and if you have any or would like some...tell me ur pet stories ...;)

at the mere start of my life, we had a kitten that grew into a handsome cat...persian it was and so beautiful...anywhoo i was at the age of 6 or 7 and the youngster then my younger sister who was either 4 or 5..you'll understand why i mention her in a bit...well this darling sister decides to enchant the cat and give him a run on his life...she played with him and decided he was a horse so she hmph how can i put this pleasantly...she pranced around the house riding the kitten and yelling gettiup horsey...man those were the days...where everything will change for the better in some cases and the worst for others..

so basically the cat was maskeen tortured by my beasty little sister then and well he used to run and hide beneath the tables, or anywhere where he could be safe out of my sister's grasp. i have to admit she did love him...hehehe anywhoo one day we took him with us to my grandma's house and this was the day my parents decided the cat should remain with my grandma...finally the little creature was to be saved from my sister heheh ;) anywhoo time goes on and we continue to play and visit the cat and my sister resumes her torture and then the cat decides to run for his life...he ran away and that was the last we saw of him.

did i forget to mention we then got another cat and this one was a beauty as well and he too ran away hehehe and i didnt mention how i am allergic to cats...i was mighty scared of those little animals that whenever they were heading my direction i jumped on any couch or safe location...those were the days aye ;)...my sister running after the cat and me running away from it ;)

so we get another pet but this time there rabits....2 cute cuddling rabbits who enjoyed there stay and were fed handsomely and generously lettuce, carrots, etc...then one day they decided they shall hmmm give you there age..aka they died...one was a white rabbit the other was this beautiful shade of brown i loved him so much...but i guess being in a cage and roaming some few times they couldnt handle it...one died before the other and the other one was lonely and decided he just couldnt live on any longer ...:(

back to the pet store again, ;) we get 2 birds...they are quite settled in there cage, fed well and then my sweet maid decides to give one of them a bath and he end's up sick and dies in a fortnight, i ask my parents if we can set the other one to fly free and we eventually do...i have no idea if it died or is yet living ;)

then comes our summer vacation, we head off to malaysia where we had a blast...it was such a great vacation being with your family having fun laughing till your eyes cried from amazement n such...well one of the days me and my papa decided to go get dinner for the family so we go out walking and such from our hotel to the resturant..and it just finished rainy and all of a sudden small baby frogs jump from the bushes...it was soo weird the size of them was astounding...so tiny and i pleaded my papa if i could take one of them and he says yes...so he grabs one for me and puts it in a water bottle. this is where the fun begins...we get back to the hotel and i go tell my vulnerable so easily fooled sister JACKIE that look i just went to this pet store and bought this little frog i will give it to you for a cost...she pays up and then i tell her about how i saw small tiny monkey's, cats, elephants you name it i said it as tiny as this frog..and she believed me...but then i gave up after laughing hysterically from the pleasure of all of this and i tell her you fell right into my lie..me and my dad chuckled till tears filled our eyes...this story shall be retold and rekindled dearest jackie to your inshallah grandchildren someday etc....i love you but your fooled easily muwah..i wuv you soooo much

we kept the frog till the end of the trip and then i took him with me to the airport when we were about to board the plane my mama told me no he cant go with us back...so we pout our lips (my sisters) and plead but to no avail that little creature was left in the airport of malaysia trying to book a flight hehehe ;)

then we are back and home, years go by my little baby sister lulu 4 years now...is born and we decide to get her some birds...we got 6...;) lol...an incident happened where my mama put her hand in the cage to pet it and then that little hellion bird bit her finger :)...and unfortunately he died weeks later...so down to 5 birds...another died down to 4...hamdallah those four are still alive and chirping may they always...but two of them are one of a kind...we did also get baby chicks for that angel but she was scared from them and well we gave them away

to the birds...they are two different types of birds in two different cages...two birds in each ;)...the 2 ones i shall talk about are amazing...well here goes, the cage they came in was well not quite professional so the smart bird bit and crunched on the bar of the door till he operated it to his pleasure..fleeing from his cage in the morning and going back to sleep in it at night....we didnt notice until one day i was walking upstairs and i spot a freakin bird sittin in our dinning room on top of the plastic tree thingy decoration...i get scared and search for the other one and then i realized what happened and time passes by...they are allowed to roam freely and sit on that tree they do no harm but papa says its not safe for them to be like that...so he gets them a bigger cage more freedom and he spends many minutes trying to catch those little intelligent creatures..

we have fish tooo lol and occasionally new fish are put in month to month...but the most remembered creatures were those 3 shark like fish i dont recall their correct name but we named them these weirds names as well...and some time after a year of having them in the tank they go wild and crazy...the fish seem to disappear....you cought 20 small fish in the morning and next day 10 are still there...baby transparent gold fishes..so those 3 fishes got soo freakin fat...and then lost the weight apparently they ate those poor gold fish...anywhoo they go through a mad phase in which they bump there heads into the glass windows of the tanks this weakens their endurance and they eventually die...:( sad story but worth the telling

hmmm have i missed a pet...i guess not all the above are all the pets in our household from then to now....may all those that died rest in peace and those that are alive live longer ;)...now tell me should we get another new pet lol

FYI: the pic of the kitten is not our cat...but it has some resemblance in the color :) isn't he adorable

tell me your pet story ;) and i hope i didnt bore you....;)

All Starts Over And Renders To End

2006-07-16T04:58:00.000+03:00

someone stands beside you
burning your skin like flames
someone stares a glance at you
gives a pity to your state
you try to hold yourself up
dust the dirt and touch your scars
yet the bleeding hasnt stopped
he told you this was how it was to end
he's destroyed you
he's holding onto you
your just lost in this world of growing pain
where disaster accompanied you
demolished your soul mercilessly to no end

another moment escapes
masks of faces darken the grave
you die slowly and fade away
they cry softly for your aching misery
someone holds beautiful roses
settles them on your skin
someone speaks an oath
hopes to god your pain has subsided
but now your gone
he's escaped the punishment
seeking another prey
to devaste and mutilate
the world rotates
emotions erupt
your born again in somebody else
and all start's over and renders to end

-your battlefield-

Your Nothing Different Than What's Meant To Be

2006-07-12T16:36:00.000+03:00

i'm in love...;) havent you guessed already, not with some guy no but with this guy's voice...and his latest album is on replay ;)...3abdallah Rwaished...his songs are just heartfelt, emotional and full of reality...to me i will never forget his first songs that really made their way to my heart...they are the solid concrete that's my foundation when everything is going wrong or just too right.

i'm so bent out of shape it's hilarous, i'm only a teenager yet need a dose of energy to keep me going, so i do believe i should start running or something and get toned or whatever...and i need to stock up on candy and chocolate, because when your staying up all night you need something to keep your apeptite happy ;) hehehee

i'm finally getting a hang of organizing my life and what's to come, and i sadly discovered i need to take this test, yet the only timing that will be pleasant to take it in is next week and then i am just out of time...because i'll be traveling next friday so it will be hard to take that test...and i can't take it in august since well my pops and sis are traveling for the month and then who shall drop me off there...my mama isn't to good in finding locations but i think i'll just take it in august and we'll just go an hour early so we find the place.

this brings me to state the fact that i am like my papa...i know like him mashallah what to do on the road when your lost and i know the roads even though i've never been on them..it's like this talent hehe...i am your gps navigator...and yet i am not of driving age...i'm just quite the observer and love the architectural buildings and houses but in kuwait there's little of them..(that's why i want to get lost ;) in europe and admire their beautiful architecutre)...anywhoo when my mummy gets lost or my sister and i'm with them..i just direct and navigate them to there destination...;P

now i am off, later on to get ready for the outing and i hope and beg there not be someone sitting behind me kicking on my chair in the cinema...cuz that just pisses me off and dont get me wrong..i love and adore kids but when they constantly and innocently torture you with those kicks you get feed up...oh and its not only kids that do that some adults as well...anywhoo i shall enjoy the movie pirates of the carribean 2 and munch on my caramel popcorn ;)

and i dedicate the picture above to you....ronaldo hater you know you love him and he's mashallah a great talented player ;)

It's Better Than Being Alone....

2006-07-09T18:26:00.000+03:00

You see my darling, in my sleep you were dressed in the darkest shades of gray. Your lips were dry and your skin seemed flushed and shaken. Your eyes were so sensational and unforgetable shade of brown. I could feel and taste the salty tears streaming down my cheeks. I enjoyed it, I saviored this moment. Your image was intoxicating, your voice was numb and edgy but altogether, you were exhilariting.

I loved the sight I saw you in, miserable and yielding for more agony. I was standing beside you inflaming your body with more pain yet all you found in my presence was unmistakenable pleasure. You were all tied up. Your emotions and body were chained and screaming for blissful release. I was by you, I held your hands, I destroyed you. I made you fall in love, hard and defenseless. Finally you understand how I feel in this silent reality.

Damn it was such a great feeling, seeing you trying to grasp some control on yourself. I touched your burning skin, I hoped to soothe your scandalous heartbeat. You tried so hard to breathe softly, yet all that I could hear were gasps of thrilling harmony. I came closer to your provoking body, I was an inch apart. I voiced the words I longed for you to hear. I whispered my yearning and settled on a kiss. Then, you seemed lost and weak, breathing so forcefully.

Your brown eyes seemed to forfeit and accept this defeat. You simply gave up on walking away and I didn't drown my soul yet again with tears. I smiled with satisfication and awaited your progession. It was now your turn to melt me away.

All of this happened in the wake of my imagination. All of this witnessed as my eyes were closed and seeing darkness as I laid motionless in bed. You would call it a nightmare; yet to me it was a breathtaking dream. I could sense the emotions you tried to bury. I was in the middle of igniting lust that you foreshadowed would awake the hate drowsing our souls.

Your in the realm of my imagination....and I'm better off being alone then taking a risk and telling you my love how I feel. Let's just be together in my dreams...

**I hope you like this story I just wrote...ugly ending but hell i couldnt think of anythin else
**I am currently functioning on 2 hours of sleep
**:* after the world cup i shall fall asleep

Doodle Alert

2006-07-07T04:47:00.000+03:00

After weeks of believing they shall come an end...my doodles, my scanner decides not to give up on me....and now my dedicated readers i lay upon you two of my latest creations. Feedback and opinions are appreicated....

Starting At The Ending

2006-07-05T06:25:00.000+03:00

Right this moment, I'm in the dark, my eyes see nothing but distorted images and water trickles on the ground as I try to make the images focus and be....I am waiting for alot of answers and something to make everything bright....away from this and to ....

I did it, I did what I had to now all that remains is to see where I go on from there. Inshallah what is meant to happen does. Now I must continue with my sole purpose of this summer which is to think of the future for next year, my last year in high school. I am so happy that this chapter in my life is coming to end and now the challenge I've been awaiting is finally arriving. Whatever it may be, I am and shall be with a loving heart and a big smile. If it's a rejection, so be it. If it's an acception, may god be with me and if It's neither then I do not mind. Everything is great at it's time.

Aside from my stupid ramblings, I think I shall minimize my posting and concentrate on what's at hand. I have to focus, I have to calculate, I have to do so much in so little time. And besides I shall hopefully be somewhere for sometime least a week... and then well matters will unfold. This post is pointless just like me at the moment. But within the hours of the upcoming days, I shall figure out the point. I hope that my dreams do come true. Which leads me to ask another stupid question, when you sleep, do you dream or just sleep and think of nothing? According to me and my life, I always dream and if I sleep without a dream, I wake up in a mood, and quite angry that is.:P..What about you?

Last but not least, I was so speechless and happy at yesterday's game. Forzaaa Italia baby. Best match thus far and I can't wait for today's match...with italy I jumped up and down, screamed, cheered, by accident hurt my toes as I bumped into the... damn it aches but anywhoo....it was worth it and the match was great the last minutes as the players well you go figure...you'll understand if your a girl but a guy then heheh never mind(after the goals i mean...when the players take off..hmm)...and I do believe someone out there is rooting and cheering for france to win, since my heart is with PORTUGAL who kicked their butts...do you want to guess who that person is....:Phehehhe

Portugal or Italia...inshallah become the world cup champions....hardluck to germany and inshallah France...no hard feelings... :)...papa, i thought i heard you rumble to me germany shall get the cup...heheeheh :D guess who is the ?? ! ehehheheh i love you

We Can Never Be Something

2006-07-02T08:00:00.000+03:00

Dear Reality,

Why can't you make it come true? Why do you always destroy the meaning of bliss and happiness in you? When I look back at things you've done, I always end up with tears that create this pond of my sadness. I think my previous letters to you were left unreplied. Why don't you shed some light? When do I stop being a shadow and become something more?

It took several crumbled papers to come to this. I'm not even proud of what i've said or what i'm going to say.....But you can't hold me back, can you? Your not some being I can trust and give my love to? Your overrated and misleading. I've set several paths to take, yet you always brought me back to square one, lying flat on my face bleeding with moans and aches. I wept for you, for someone to help save you? Or is it me who needs to be saved??!

I think you've lost yourself and me within, I think we can never be something because you never follow through. You give up too easily and you can be quite a bitch. I would have bitten my tongue yet I dont care, since it's you i'm speaking to and being called that is meaningless...Can we not turn back to the old days, when "ever" was beautiful and you pulled through...?

Life ain't easy, it wasn't meant to be but your making it intolerable, sadly true. Your making me dread the wake of moments I once put my heart and soul into. I guess you will never, hmm... I guess you will never rest things aside till you suck their blood, bite them hard and lick the wounds to be viewed as caring. Your sinful to cover up, your lying to yourself and fogging up my chances....

I've been scarred by you, used, molded into something that wasn't me....so what i'm saying is...can i ask you something...."Who scarred you? Bruised your image? Turned you into this?.. and devastated you? Forget... because it's making all thats around you miserable.

I hope this letter goes unanswered, I hope your memories remain the same, I hope for yesterday to be today....Exactly???What the hell? I hope i'm contradicting you! Hah, yeah right you'd say....

I never gave up, I'll never give in...I'm up for this challenge and will make it come true. Just after I gloat in more of your misery and attain more bruises....;(

Without Love,

Dreams

--------------------------------

PORTUGAL you make me proud, I love You and HARD LUCK england.....heheeh, ronaldo my sweets is ;)

You Gave Up When I Gave In---Ironic (part one)

2006-06-30T19:40:00.000+03:00

We Spoke The Oath But Never Abided so here goes Until The Day I Die, No We Die.

They drove in silence, neither one of them wanting to interrupt each others thoughts or distrub this pleasurable stillness of sound. They provoked each other with these moments that measured their true understanding of each others feelings. Their eyes seemed to project their pleasure and masked the dissatisfaction to merciless ends.

She no longer wanted this adventure to go on anymore; she's through with this entire chaotic mind swinging feelings that just won't stop churning. It's time the ticking stops, the handle freezes and they continue moving their souls on separate paths.

It's been over for quite awhile, but the void of silence has been the equation to this disillusion. Deception was all she could utter beneath her soft breathe...It was truly the harsh ending to a heart breaking story. The love dies within their bodies as they explore the beginnings of nothing more.

He found the drive taking longer than usual. It was the casual daily routine they took every Friday at dawn. They were more acquainted with each other to understand the silence meant one thing....false endearment and paining love. He longed to find some time alone with her, yet she's been avoiding their encounter, making up fake excuses to delay. He knew her feelings have yielded nothing more from her part than hurt and throbbing aches.

The windshield was so clear and transparent that their reflections were somewhat a dream. They looked like happiness miserably seeking an end. They looked like beautiful people sharing the happiness of the long stressful days. Yet it was mirror-like but failed in validating the truth of skin and flesh.....

To Be Continued...Or Not ;)

-------------------------------

yes, moi is guilty of having free time on her hands, i have nothing to do but make up stories but i have soo much to do...hehehee, i have to write that and research this and redo that and think about Senior Year and crap and apply and such...but i think next week shall be my last holiday then i must get down to business and decide how i want to shape the future because when summer ends, reality will strike and what comes after school will hopefully college unless me dies ;) anywhooo so i must must strategize and plan....

i bored you yup, so anyways i am looking forward to PORTUGAL vs. ENGLAND i cant wait inshallah it goes as i plan to expect, i want their battle to last over over time, when they can bring in the hott shot players to do some penalty kicks, :)....i know reality is portugal has 85% chance of defeat but come what may i will take it with a big smile hell i am proud they made it thus far..........portugal may god be with you..and make this girl proud :*

I Wrote This For You Missed One

2006-06-29T19:08:00.000+03:00

i told you i was going to blog about it so here goes.....

my darling sister who stumbled across my blog "fufuwa", the same girl that's just turned nineteen, i miss you! first off, how did you remember the url...like seriously i showed it once to you yet you never recalled it all along..am guessing my dear sister jackie, linked you it.....but today you shocked me and made me smile and grin so wide......and laugh devilishly....thanks for the heads up on the typos and clarifying things..... muwah...i love you even more :).....but i am so happy that i shocked you......:P, glad to be of service....I MISS OUR SHOPPING EXPEDITIONS AND OUR sisterly moments....i miss you!

now everything you conjectured darling from my writing and poetry...hmm.... nope i'm not in love, but do you have a candidate i'll go for it, but i am infatuated with this soccer player and apparently every soul is..you'd never guess who in our household loves him tooo...heheheh.....anywhooo back to what we discussed....and what you think, no sweets i'm not depressed, sugar you of all the siblings and family knows me the best, hell you bare my darkest secrets, my dreams, fears, my laughs and crys and crushes and such....you were the one who got me out of those tears with sparks of hope and such that i will be someone special someday...i will make something of myself that will make mama and papa proud and everyone else...

you know me better than i know myself....but i am glad you think me deep, cuz i can be and hmmm....i've grown to be...and darling you have no idea how this discussion made me feel....i feel like i became some different person in your eyes...i'm no longer that deeply challenged girl in a subject called english..i think my ownself motivated me to feel confident whenever i write anything.....and all i can say is "in her face baby....that 10th grade teacher who thought i sucked...but i proved it to her aye this year when my 11th grade teacher awarded me........."

i've grown to be someone different, someone wise, someone more confident and well if someone hits me with a stone i'll fire back...and damn i've become far tooo honest, member the laughs we shared about how i was extremely honest to this incident where someone we love deeply asked what i thought of the attire and i said the truth....yellow birds fly..hahhahaee

now my mentor and inspiration, i am deeply moved that you think i've matured and that i arised from situations even when they challenged my guts out....i am deeply honored you found my writings underlined something else, i guess you read between the lines but chicka dont worry....this girl will last longer in any battlefield...and now that i know your an audience....i am going to try to come out with something better each time, i want to win your respect and such...because your far better in this field than i'd ever dream to be...

and i want to read those stories and poetry that you assume or say you threw away...darling its not smart to tell me that you had them when your miles away and your room is next to mine...heeheh...and by the by i shall do what you said and i will eventually do that favor you asked of me.....

babes, sugar, doll, all the sweet words in the dictionary.....i love you and i hope you read this post.....it's dedicated to you muwah....and recall our dinner's where we cook something sweet, well you always kick me out of the kitchen since i never really help, just blab.... and we talk about life, and such well i can't wait till i see you again ..... :")

and i so love how you began the msn conversation with WHAT WRONG WITH YOU....i thought something different but hell you gave me the laugh of my life....thanks...

this is soo unsophisticated my writng right this moment but ...this is my real self to you...my normal self who was caught up in the moment as i always doo...excuse my consant .............(dot dot dot..)

Your Battlefield

-----------------------------------
i am sorry to those bloggers who read this and thought damn i just wasted my time reading something useless or etc, this was just a sisterly moment :)

Someone Not There That Never Was...

2006-06-28T06:48:00.000+03:00

Cluttered!

Your the portrait I longed to paint. Your the priceless artifact not on sale. Your the future of my life. Your the handles on the clock that sway from side to side. Your my everything but you dont know me, yet here I am writing you this letter hoping you understand something...

I love the feel of the broken glass scarring my wrist, I think of you as always that is. I love the feeling you ignite in me, when I miss you still. You are something undefined. Your the mission I seek to conquer and declare mine. Your the mountain I long to climb, your the ocean that shall drown me breathlessly. You are something, you are my all, yet you never knew me.

This may seem awkard, you may be vain, yet my infatuation of you is set to blame. I wished for you, every night. I wanted you to hold me tight...wipe my tears that they made me cry. I want you to understand that once upon a time you were nothing and now your my all. Save me, reject me, just tell me that i'm dreaming and make me sense reality....

Why am I so in love with you? Is it because we both are exposed to the sad truth? Your abused and i've been used? Can't you create a land of make-believe like I do? Picture yourself some different soul, don't be unhappy when your not at fault. Dont be something you know they are.

Here I am, dying for you, wanting you to see me as beautiful! Hoping you shake yourself loose and look around you. I am infatuated, melting with tears and love for you. Are you someone who will be my something, but sadly with the news that lay, I am talking to the one who shall never be as I wanted true.

Your years older, and i'm feeling small. In the world of misconceptions and illusions that never end. In time I hope I rest those thoughts of wanting you to be my all. I wanted for now to make you feel, that a soul out there is in your reach...but you cut your strings so soon, its by far a crime I will hold aganist.

So you've been bruised, you've been in pain. We are all bound and caged yet I longed to set you free, and make you fly gracefully. Your the rose that never wilts...your the soul who is my one and only....I am your shadow and I am your light....I wished to guide you to that place so bright..yet you took matters in your hands aye, decided to end this growing pain...

Here I am crumbling this letter that shall never touch your hands, hear I am murmuring words that you'll never read, because you couldn't take it, you couldn't run. You are now resting peacefully yet are you content with all thats been. If I had been you, i'd never give in, i'd struggle and tumble and bleed and be.........

I loved you then and I love you still, the growing pain that keeps me going shall never rest.I think I have found happiness, even though your gone and i'm alone. I told you once in my dreams, to close your eyes and think of nothing. Forget the scars that scortch your back, forget the happenings of pain and such. Just feel the beat of my heart and think of nothing less at all. Dont imprison your emotions of love and caress the pain, you never heard me, you never did.

Unfortunately the battle you fought you lost in shame, killing yourself whats to say? I rather dont blame you, but I also do. I hope you found spite as I have found in you. You know that canvas thats sitting in the corner of my room? The same one i dreamed to paint your portrait on.... Its starring at me, waiting to be something symbolizing you. Yet I dare not stroke a brush on its skin, I find it a reminder of you and your sin. With the looks of it and the shape its in, you seem to have erased your figment in my imagination. You've left no mark, the blank sheet thats resting on this table have never been touched. To set the record straight, I never lifted that pen and marked the sheet with ink. I didnt write you anything, I didnt meet you still....come to think of it, I never will....

!!!!

THIS WHOLE PIECE IS A CONTRADICTION...at least i think so as i was writing it, kept trying to hook it all together and make it seem true, yet i hope what i wanted to be known is seen across to you...:)

-your battlefield....aka dandoona off to bed yup i've stayed up for too long....i shall rest and read your comments later on ....i just cant stop this freaking rhyming its getting on my nerves...toodles for now, you all shall be missed :)..argh i should duck tape my mouth and let the rhyming end...:)

I Think I Saw Death No Its Actually You

2006-06-26T19:32:00.000+03:00

normal pathetic post ahead:

first of all, i have been somewhat dead to the world for two consectutive days....i have been sick and feeling like hell. you name it, i had it....i felt like something was outstretching my stomache, and my god the pain...it just simply was my companion for the entire day yesterday and somewhat now....i hate it when i get sick...i just couldnt even move to go to the doctor...so i was basically curled up in different positions every five minutes cuz i couldnt stand the pain in one location....... i am sooo tired and weary from yesterday that the entire day was spent in my room or the bathroom....either trying to fall asleep, trying to take some medicine....yucky pills that just wont stay in my system for less than a minute...it will go out the same location it went in, my mouth....aka...barfed it out....am sorry for this inconvience of grossing you out...bas i am in no mood to write a story or some poetry i just wanted to explain my absence well its probably only i who noticed..but anywhooo....

the best part of being sick was the people who really care about you are right beside you trying to make that miserable pain subside and go away....i love my mother who stood by me and tried to make me feel better, and at last after 5 hours of feeling like hell i finally went to sleep, and for my sisters who checked up on me and asked me how i felt...and for informing me that my portugal won against holland bas someone injuried my honey and they shall have to repent...i hope my ronaldo feels better and i cant wait till they face off with england...that will be a game none should miss......anywhoo my baby little sister whom played doctor to me...it was sweet of her and i love her so much....and also to my father who is out of the country but for calling up and asking how i felt.....and for everyone else from my family and etc......when your feeling the pain and aches, there is always someone who'll make you see the brightness of this day....

anywhooo i guess my post is boring you out and such...so i'll try to end it smoothy and with some sophistication....i am loving each and everyone of you this moment in time...and i think i shall go lay down for now cuz all this recollection of what happened is taking a toll on me....anywhooo....i missed you bloggers and i missed my healthy self...inshallah tomorrow i'll be feeling better than before....:)

i would like to wish my sister who is thousands of miles away in college..a happy wonderful birthday....babes your finally 19....damn thats old...hehhe kidding bas still no matter how old or young you are...your the inspiration in my life and without you and your constant motivation you give me i wouldn't make it out in the real world.....i love you till death do us part....and i hope your summer course is going well with you....and doll your birthday gift will be coming to you when inshallah they come to see you in august.....i lurve you....so much....and its simple you are getting a nice gift whether you care to accpet it or not....

two years ago...this day started out like any other bas ended up with a heartache.....bas inshallah this day dosent replay itself.......hamdallah for everything and :)

sorry for not posting up an image....damn blogger dosent want to load anything i want...:(

We're Just The End From The Beginning of Our Start

2006-06-24T17:58:00.000+03:00

you stood near me

you heard my ache

you shut me up

told me to rest away

i stood to breathe

you pushed me down

i saw my bruised self

bleeding in your eyes

you held me still

gripped my wrist

decided to hush me up

kiss my flesh

biting it hard

you watched me bleed

more and more

i lost this battle

but we are still laying in this field

weren't you my anecdote

when everything went wrong?

weren't you my lullaby

masking my soul?

yet this moment your nothing to me

your no longer my undying agony

your not even the sea

your just this battered soul

kneeling before me

your waiting for someone

to teach you pain

your waiting for something

to kill your shame

your waiting for a miracle

your waiting for me

to float dead in this sea

.....keep waiting.....

-your battlefield-

Guilty Yet Breathing Innocence

2006-06-22T09:32:00.000+03:00

the lights blind me again

standing beside you feeling just skin

blood and flesh

crush me still

beauty of this night

destroyed in your embrace

velvet silk slides to your grace

tears of crimson escape

just and secure you once made me feel

regret and fear reveals you near

steps fail to balance me still

the light confessing your deadly sin

voices and erupts the night to bliss

savioured in your memory

sets you free

forever less forever lost

in the darkness of this street

you walk away

leave me still

hiding and gasping

for breathe and air

tears lay still

as i stay bare

-your battlefield-

I Miss You, I Dont Love You

2006-06-20T14:05:00.000+03:00

Dear Self,

I want you to recall whats set to end...

Its been year's, hasn't it? Its been week's since we last met! Its been forever since you felt the adrealine rush. Its been hours since that crush turned into love. Its been minutes since we went our separate ways. Its been seconds before i threw your dear letter to the bottom of our well.

How many people will stop to console me, let it end? How many more touches of sympathy will I need before I just erupt? How many more tears shall fall on my cheeks before my tears be spent, and I be tearless? How many words so useless will pledge their love to me, till I understand the dear truth of end?

People will simply die tired of me, consolation will be my last resort and lasting plea. The soft hands that caress my touch shall end now, and die without a thought. Pledges of love, sacred it may, will be the beginning of something less, because the difference was just simple, but complicated you had to be!. We are in dire need for sometime to speak, but where have you jetted off to again?

The trublence of the plane your feeling as you read my letter, is yet another sign of us on breaking ends. The jabs of pain mimicking their hands caress were the last touches from the wound the collision set forth. Is it me, or are you in the moments of your last wish, last reminise, last breathe before dying, last taste of beauty on this earth? Whats the last regret from you of me? What the last word you beg to say, oh please voice it to me?

I am standing still wishing I was like this well, humble and dark, silent and yet awakening. The bucket can rise up and down, but weightless and heavy when its wishes to be. I wish to be it. I wish to dry it up. I wish to direct your thoughts to this place the last. I wish for minutes to besiege your dying escape. I wish you die in pain, because...

Because I missed you dearly. I miss you still. It dosent really mean that I love you . It dosent make things right when they are entirely wrong. It dosent end our figment of love. It dosent bury your corpse with loving hands, it just brings a heart burn to my emotions that wish to stop. It only means that your ending was a birth of me.

Lastly, and without a hint of tears, are you settled and breathing death? Are you careless, wounded, and whispering whose name? Do you still blame me for falling out of love? Do you still believe that we could really hide our shame? Do you still believe our love was sweet and without pain?

Answers to my questions will remain unknown, for you have left me here to mourn, the loss of you, the loss of me, the loss of someone bittersweet.

Yours Truly,

Never Shall Be
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I wanted to post up a doodle, bas my scanner wont care to work for now, so i'll let it be for another day. Instead i thought of posting up a short writing piece, hope you like it...and tell me do you get what i'm trying to say...anywhoo enjoy this day...:) and i think today my portugal is playing and inshallah they will make me happy and proud of them....but still whatever they bring forth i accept.:P

I Dont Like You I Just Know You.

2006-06-19T01:36:00.000+03:00

i dont sleep, i dream.

i dont eat, i enjoy.

i dont laugh, i glitter.

i dont know you, just your scars.

i dont lie, i am just damn honest.

i dont assess, i take notice to indifference.

i dont realize, i energize.

i dont appreciate, i love mysteriously.

i dont cry, i bleed tears.

i dont get anger, i just release the aggravation.

i dont find things simple, i just like complications.

i dont find you charming, i find you appealing.

i dont age, i just wrinkle from my smiles.

i dont misunderstand, i just define.

i dont read, i believe.

i dont draw, i imagine.

i dont like you, i just know you.

i dont know if you seen another battlefield, but today i'm your's.(?)

from me to you...or not so..;)

I Lost A Friend Somewhere Along In The Bitterness

2006-06-17T20:20:00.000+03:00

hmmm....its been far too long since i posted a doodle....and well i decided...i should today...for some reason or for nothing at all....hope you like it....feedback is desirable by this battlefield....

your opinions, dislikes and such to this latest creation...it took me how many bloody hours to finish....well i began it at 6 pm and finished it finally at1:30 am...my hands are aching but i think it was worth it....i ran out of ink during the process and used some water to make it last tooo lazy to go get another pen from the pack....

i am proud of myself that it didnt take twenty sheets of paper to settle on continuing the doodle, just one which is a miracle....:) in my case

anywhooo.....am thinking of doing a doodle pre day and come the end of summer i'll be rumaging through a packs of paper...reminicsing of the hours spent creating them..

I Find It Hard To Breathe......

2006-06-15T16:00:00.000+03:00

how old are you?do you act that age...and what categorizes us acting our age....????!!!

now....am i really seventeen? its always being everyones reoccuring question... and i continue to shurg and be guilty....yes, confirmed, no use denying it, am guiltyof being seventeen

i am SEVENTEEN...

dont find the age any more enticing than 18 or 19 or any age for the matter....i believe that age is but a number easily forgoten yet can make some degree of difference..

was wonderin what age do you think me be?what makes you think so....??!!

just a curious battlefield anxious for your desirable feedback....

and well the month i turn eighteen will be the month my baby bloggy is a year old "feburary".....times go by so fast....hell june is almost over...for me at least...:P

anywhooo....whats happened to you at seventeen?!!!anything memoriable....

on another note....i dont know why i'm saying this but i love it when i get the hiccups, or when i wake up in the morning and my voice is disconnected and has this hmmm....deep, soft, alluring nature to it....but then im back to my stupid voice in a mere 30 minutes...anyways...

now me is off to play barbies with my baby four year old sister and another one :)..yes lame...guess who'll enjoy playing the most....am going to design them some clothes....make them fashionable ;)....first must find some cloth to start my stiching...anywhooo enjoy the day :) tooodles...for now!

Dreams of Silence....More For Me

2006-06-13T19:43:00.000+03:00

so have you lost yourself, wished you were someone else?

have you any excuses to suit your case of being ashamed?

are you a battle without glory? and be it that, what's your strategy?

did you cry when you shouldnt and were tearless when you should have wept..?

i dont know, how many times do you say these 3 words in a day?

hmmmm...now i just dont know what spurred on those questions....hmmm....well then awaiting your answers...i shall be off to doodle for some time....;)

but am wishing i could watch the soccer games but yes our showtime doesnt want me to watch it...we have to get the card thingy so you can watch it....that was the most stupid thing ever done...permiting people from watching yet its the smartest ever...their flithy rich now from everybody rushing out to purchase so they can watch the matches....ohh germany 2006 i route for portugal...portugal to the end...if they end then holland :)....anywhoo

toodles... for now!

Endless Whispers Die Out Now

2006-06-12T17:08:00.000+03:00

its over....
my tears have shed
my pain is exposed

within the beauty of this heartache

you've failed to rescue me

yet again...

your an ocean
the tidal waves drown my soul
misearbly and innocently

i am no longer yours

its over...
we're done
whats left is to erase our mark on
the tainted wooden chest
where we embedded our last
fairytale reminisce

your gone
yet i'm still living
my desire is never lacking

cut me lose

disfigure me

piece by piece
the distant disappears

tears curse my core
and finally..

melt me down

into your unforgiving body..

it's over

your my illusion

a ficitional being

i dare to ask of you one last time

touch my dying skin

and let the endless whispers die down

bury my tiring soul

forever now no longing more

its over

we're over

your gone..

reworked poem....after some editing and eliminating some words and adding

something to make it better than was before....what do you say???

poem i wrote thinking that it might spice things out....do you like it or are my words just blah...anywhooo it's over the nightmare is over......FINALS ARE FINETO...adios...they were so yesterday today i finished my last two and my best classes that i love history and english!... and come this wednesday our report cards are out and well my scores will be known...inshallah all goes well...downside we pick them up at 7:30 am why couldnt they make it in the afternoon..neeways..baby hello summer die down school.....in other news i went to jarir today and splurged on art supplies and such....this is my artful summer, college searching time and thinking facts straight, and reading the novels i havent read from jackie's collection ;)...each day should be productive and eventful....anywhoooo toodles for now...am guessing ill probably be posting more often now.....:) ah..beware i'll be a talking machine....:)

This Is All You'll Get

2006-06-10T18:21:00.000+03:00

something is missing
am missing something

am craving someone

someone's craving

but life goes on doesnt it

goes on life does

and tears fall down wasn't

bloody tears fall

and you experience bad days aye

bad days curse your experience

today was a begining of one

ending of today

hope for sure it ends as a last one

last one to end hope

finished a chemistry final

chemistry finished me

4 more to go... finals presay

tomorrow i have algebra and religion :)

religion and alegbra

last math test for awhile

awhile at last

last 2 exams english and history

hmmmm....save me from my nightmare

nightmares save me

come to think of it i had one today when i

just wanted to close my eyes for a short nap

never fall prey when you close your eyes

it was scary

Cradle of Flith Opinion Guaranteed

2006-06-09T12:24:00.000+03:00

ATTENTION: not my usual type of post....this is my down straight opinion on a matter you should take into consideration!!!..Now: you may read on or simply go back!!

i'm going to ask you a simple question and you answer it with truthful honesty...what's wrong with the world today?.....no seriously what is wrong....it's falling apart and no longer is it appealing from what i've seen yesterday to be sure....you must wonder and think what am i blabbing about but here goes...

yesterday i was watching tv with my sisters and we were all gathered around and such...flipping the channels going from movie to shows to music channels...yes this was my study break ...because i got fed up for a bit anywhoo back to the point...we watched MTV from awhile and let me tell you they compared to the channels in the middle east are PG 13 while the channels here are R rated...parental advisory seriously and anywhooo...so mtv was alright nothing illegal bs something was distrubing apparently robbie williams decided to pose as well a religious figure jesus and what is wrong with this dude seriously.......

so we change the channel to mazzika, melody, etc and we saw the shamefully, disgusting, people who really think that baring your body and singing lyrics like your a ... to gain viewers...anywhoo...the ladies and men to be exact both fell from my eyes...is this what they want us to do...bare ourselves and gain fans and glamour....why not do something with your life that isnt degrading...but it dosent have to be that way if you focused more on singing than physical appearance and .... you know what i mean..bs this isnt what captured my attention not for a good reason.

well we come across this video clip for a male singer and guess what...?? his video clip shows him apparently "overdosing on drugs"...wallah whats wrong with "you" people...this is what we want our childrens to grow up watching....do something with this life dont destroy yourself and drug your surrounding with your "high" sense of life....anyways the singer drops his head on the glass containing the powder like drugs and well then he goes all crazy....what if a young toodler or a mere child watches that....what do you think your sparking on them...i am well educated in that area to know the good and bad and understand this bs that happening and to know right from wrong but they are children!!...how can you allow yourself to expose them to such a devasting way of life....yes get overdosed and sing like never before....may god be with you all...i think what the problem is that most of them are getting closer to the figment of living rather than thinking about their end and thanking god for all we have....

anyways...this is why i had quiet a fall out with watching tv...because they just show us things that are just....i know i have the remote control and can change what i dont like bs still dont you want to cleanse our life from people who think that living life requires the prerequisites of taking off ..., acting ...., and getting all the surgery that they can hold themselves too....

anyways tomorrow is my chemistry final....inshallah i'll do my best and purgatory this is the last time i will say its a chemistry test, or etc..since you think thats the only class i ever mention having tests in....bs tomorrow is quite sad....my beautiful inspiring sister is heading back to .... and i'm gonna miss her and to top it off my father too is traveling same day and well.....i'm going to miss them dearly bs i still have others here to give me loving company ..... anways tell me how you see our world of television today ???...i hope my opinion didnt change your thoughts about me bs im being honest and have to say we should change this and that and etc...:) and my good how the last weeks i've been tooooo honest i guess incidents have told me to act real and disregard superificality....i am finally comfortable with telling everyone what i really think about...without censoring or making it pleasing for their ears....

think about it...tell me your thoughts!!..sorry for such a lonnnnnng post :) i got caught up!

Piece By Piece...Reveal Your Identity

2006-06-07T19:02:00.000+03:00

It's better off this way. Yes we should part off embark on separate days. Our love is just dying, let's face it, age brings back the pain. We used to find pleasure but all we seem to find is guilty eyes staring face to face. It's oddly sad dont you think, it's finally ending in such a depressing way!

Fine we both admitted our failures, yet you never seemed to show you cared. We breathed those sins together but all you found in me was regret and shame. I guess both of us find the hours ending, our minutes wont turn themselves into days. I wish I could tell you once and forever, our love was not to blame!

You thought I was a villian, trying to plot terms to set against you. You whispered in my ears words of endearment yet I heard the echo of resentment and lasting pain. You misunderstood the action, always seemed to push me far away. We are just growing old, in this devasting gruesome life...yet we chose each other on matters we've come to purposely misplace and erase.

I know I was a sinner, I never wanted to repent not even today. I know you heard my words, I realized I hurt you deliebrately but would you really blame the fool carelessly awakened by your touch? Be it that our life is a battlefield; your the fighter and i'm the blade. We are two and two together, but separate us and we will fail!

We still seem to enjoy the company of misery and hate. We will remain unthoughtful lovers to each other though our eyes hide away our care.... Let's face it, no one understands this and that of us, we are merely lost souls waiting for the right day yet darling it's far from today. We are just going to remain together, till a grave separates our fate... We are used up souls, spoiled by our vanity forsaken by this blade...lay it on your body, soul and heart and i will release my hungered pain...

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on the occassion of finishing a final exam today i wrote that story above....hope you like it....and what can i say 5 MORE FINAL EXAMS TO GO....this weekend is not a pleasurable one...care to switch places..basically have to hit the books for the upcoming days....so i'll be lacking in some sleep, stressing within the hours and wishing for distance from the diaster of next week...

Welcome To Your Dreams....;)

2006-06-05T14:08:00.000+03:00

you explain... say anthing you wish to say...
express..!..any words that come to mind....
i'm willing to hear whatever you want to say about this
beautiful eye ;)

anywhooo....am so happy congraulate me...i was awarded today the william blake award as my teacher titled it....from my english teacher that is ,the only award she gave out to any of her students from whole highschool..:P....she left me blushing and speechless when she spoke to the audience of what i've been this year....relating me to william blake and then ending her speech by saying i will search through barnes and nobles years to come and look to find your book....wallah she's quite a woman, inspires and motivates me....i am totally honored ....she's amazing and this is why i have grown to love english....well my parents are extremely happy and not only have i made them be that way my sister as well...such a beautiful monday baby got some awards to cheer me up.........after the awards and etc my algebra teach comes up to me and say you know i should have made an award titled the most artistic in math....he says i would have recieved it though im struggling in his class with numbers my creativity pulls off.....:)...i feel like giving everyone a hug....such a beautiful day

downside i didnt get the cover design....they chose a camel and a desert thing...only cuz its colorful because mine was in black and white.....anywhoo i dont mind i just want my design back....cuz i put time and effort and creativity into it baby...i want to remember my hardwork....even if it went to nothing...

I Just Figured You Out....

2006-06-03T21:32:00.000+03:00

i need to settle this steam and strip my anger it just cant stay hidden and masked... i need these few lines to express my utmost devastating feeling...its ripping my insides and strangling me... i need your words i need your answers but more than all i need your desolation...

i seek acceptation not rejection, i breathe and strife once for my being then for your seeing... why wont you just leave my unsettled heart drift away... let me hear its beat for the last time in your dying love i can do that you know i've mastered the plan...its not something hard i'll teach you someday...

your whispering words were all i could hear, but your moving lips i didnt understand what you meant me to hear....begotten why have you no faith in me, why do you misjudge my likes...i am who i set to be...your constraining thoughts, actions destory me endlessly...ill never let you bring me down!

your some kind of soul...dont want happiness for anyone but yourself...dont you find my objection written on your wall... its a finale between me and myself. ill never let your words those abusive sounds make me sob into the night... i thought you were a soul worth hungering towards...but begotten you've misunderstood my standing and i shall to yours...i say once again,

farewell and off to my dreams
your whimpering voices will die in me
forever and always i regret that to be
i simply want to replay the hours
so i can change my fate
please leave me come the morrow
i've grown tired and weary from your stand
let me be thats all i @#$%^&* need!

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its nothing if you dont understand... just used up words from my meaningless self....i've understood today the inevitable ... everything is simply....(insert word)!!!...dont think this is something when it might be nothing...just is what projects from me to you.....!!!

-your battlefield to this day...no regrets as of yet-

You Felt For Me But I Fell For You

2006-05-31T13:59:00.000+03:00

Place. Silence. Time. Still. Love. Kills. Thoughts. Cold. Distance. Close.....

It s just when I go to sleep...your the first one who enevolpes my being...my heart is strangled in your core...of disaster, struggles and guilty pleasures.

Dearest i've dreamt of you while I was awake...I saw your image being dispensed in the flame....I saw your downfall...come to think of it it was just yesterday..

Unused tissues were my company when I felt you escaping me....darling the sobbing cries echoed in this dark lovable nest....treasured without and within the gray cement cheap bricks we stacked together to declare whose dying but lives longer with the pains from the past...

Letters were burned....feelings were tucked away beneath the blankets that were soft, pure and cleansed fabrics with red stiches that we.....

I am just praying for a bittersweet day when you be abused, distuniguished with depression because i'm fed up with it being always I who suffers the best.

End here, Tears Dry, Lips Smile, You Dissappear or Die.

Unknown. Whisper. Ends. Moves. Death. Love. Express. Warm. Closer. Gone...

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why am i writing a story when i have an algebra test tomorow....i need to get some rest oh yes and tomorow i will be scored with pencils of the heart judged on something on a day i was stressed not myself....anywhoo inshallah it turns out for the best be it bad or good....

I Dont Want You Back...

2006-05-29T08:00:00.000+03:00

Nothing. That was all she could comprehend from this encounter, speechless and ackward. She thought what was meant to be shall feel as was said to feel...but oh how shamefully she was wrong. Her actions, reactions and suspicions were now being projected against him.

Defined. Every sway from her body explained the truth to him. Full of suggestions and analytical realizations. Yet why did she still intrigue him when her soul was as dark as his shoes, and her lips were crimson roses waiting to be touched.

Attraction. She repels his eye contact by placing her attention on his gray, smooth button. He twitches his lips and struggles to communicate what's on his mind. Step forward, takes a step back...bleed....bruised smile and fine she suggests you take the lead.

Confused. Exactly with defeaning voices surrounding them, right and wrong is meaningless as their steps lead them towards the ....

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did you like the story...or was it horrible, confusing and terrible?:) anywhoo....these long days have identified the fake and truthful *r*e*n*s... now i understand that equation of ... will never equal ... because some people are just superifical......

No Struggles Just Pain & Pleasure

2006-05-28T04:11:00.000+03:00

Plan A ---> out of the picture...too tiresome...difficult
Plan B ---> in but out .........too depressing...and yet beautiful
Plan C ----> perfect.....no struggles, just pain and pleasures

------------------------------------------------

today is the marker of a new begining in the life of this battlefield
i'm finally getting somewhere
wish you the best as well

downfall: finals in less than two weeks....god save me....:)

Feeling Poetic So I Wrote This

2006-05-26T11:50:00.000+03:00

(not dedicated to anyone...just words without meanings or is it meaningul ?!:))

Alas my darling i've seen the truth
This life was never about me and you
It was never what we sought to feel
We were just sad ridden souls
Trying to pave paths that would lead
To a far away somewhere place
Erase the guilt from their face

But for now I suggest we take a break from living
And search for the dead souls lying within ourselves
Because strangely i'm getting old
And well your forgetting the best of days
Feeling restless

So what was thought to be
Is never what it seems to me
Good night begotten farewell in my dreams

-your battlefield-

"i vow never to forget you....just erase your presence from thou heart"

to whomever leaves a comment, may i make a suggestion that you make it poetic and rhyming...whomever you are....show me the talent thats hidden but for now shall be shown...am waiting anxiously ;) enjoy

Is This Life Tempting or Just Stressing??

2006-05-25T20:46:00.000+03:00

my days to come and stil am feeling sick and unwell

saturday: i have a history test (god save me) i cant miss that day in school cuz if i do ill be taking a *&%^ing hard test.....which happens to those that skip it but if i skipped it i would have a reason that being "dying trying hard to get out of bed but im so dizzy, feel like *$rfing and headache."

sunday: i have a semi like final test in chemistry but though not the final those are in 2 weeks :( help me...and also i have a real final in another class now what do you say....i need your time, mine has run out... :( lend your minutes :)

moday-wednesday: quizes, tests, and damn toooo much to do in so little time

the days keep getting more stressful as i go along but inshallah everything that happens is for a reason and then come the end of the next 20 OMG 20 DAYS LEFT

sooooooo longggg
i cant wait...patience is running low
everything is running low

now i shall go about this day hitting the books and trying to understand the crap that i will be tested on next weeeek..........my life doesnt seem tempting does it :)

but i still feel ----- and i hope i can get something done this weekend because am in no mood to stay up late in the night :O( studying my @** ooff

struggle, supress, strength, sense, since, sick, stumble, suprise, survive ;) the s's in my life

Aren't I Cute.....blushes

2006-05-24T21:25:00.000+03:00

i feel ill, tired, unwell
sleepy, lazy, headache
stomachache and now
i shall go sleep
and dream of ...
what my beautiful commentors shall say ;)

GoodNite